TV Gems of an 80s Childhood; Better Law Firm Management; and “Not-So Happy Endings”

Episode Notes

Transcript

[Music]

Intro: It’s the Legal Toolkit with Jared Correia, with guest Margaret Burke. We play not so happy endings and then inspired by rap legends the Beastie Boys, Jared demonstrates how to prepare a delightful side dish for your next family gathering. But first, your host Jared Correia!

Jared Correia: It’s time for the Legal Toolkit Podcast. That’s right. Hide the rubbing alcohol from Kitty Dukakis and yes, it’s still called the Legal Toolkit Podcast, even though my strap wrench doesn’t fit me anymore. I’m your host Jared Correia. You’re stuck with me because Robert Stack was unavailable. He was too busy turning into a truck and then robot and the back into truck again. I’m the CEO of Red Cave Law Firm Consulting, a business management consulting service for attorneys and bar associations. Find us online at redcavelegal.com. I’m the COO of Gideon Software Inc. We build chatbots so law firms can convert more leads and conversational document assembly tools, so law firms can build documents faster and more accurately. You can find out more about Gideon at gideonlegal.com.

Now, before we get to our guest today, that’s Margaret Burke. Let’s talk about how kids’ stories used to go. I grew up in the early ‘80s which was a pretty dope time to be alive, if we’re being honest. I mean, the ‘90s were pretty fucking amazing too, but the ‘80s were pretty chill. Being under 10 means you have no responsibility. It’s all gravy. There was no internet. There is far less bullshit to deal with, no one was chasing clout, and you could actually do things without being forced to bring your smartphone everywhere, or worried that someone was going to record you on theirs. It’d be cool if I could do a kickstand in private, you know? I mean, not when I was 10, but when I was 11.

When I was kid, I always do three things, read books, watch TV, and play outside. Parents would tell you this is impossible, but let me assure you, I read a shit ton of books and watched a shit ton of television. As anyone would know who came of age before streaming, television used to be a literally appointment viewing because there were literally no on-demand services where you can watch whatever you wanted whenever you want it. We watch whatever was on the three channels that we had, until we started stealing cable with an illegal black box. Wait, we never did that.

So, there were some great Hanna-Barbera cartoons I watched when I was kid, that came out in the late ’60s like Scooby-Doo, but there are also a lot of reruns from the ’50s and the early ’60s. They were still on TV at that time and they were on all the time, ran out of the loop. Of course, there was a captive audience in place and syndication was really profitable. If you don’t want to go watch seven straight hours of Banacek reruns, what were you going to do? Go outside. I don’t fucking think so.

Iconic reruns of cartoons like The Flintstones and The Jetsons were cool, I guess, they’re The Simpsons of their day, but probably my favorite old school cartoon was The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends. Yes, that was named the show. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends. Now, that’s going to become important in a second, because the main show is great, but there are also a number of additional shows presented as bookends for that primary program, which was a trick that would later be bar by the Animaniacs and other cartoon series.

Here’s a recap or primer, if you’ve never seen Rocky and Bullwinkle. The original series ran from 1959 to 1964 with new episodes before entering into syndication, as well as being rebooted a number of times after that. The show is created by Jay Ward Productions. Let me tell you, Jay Ward was real wild motherfucker. He invented Captain Crunch, literally invented the character Captain Crunch and he once bought an island in Minnesota, named it Moosylvania after Bullwinkle and try to get it admitted as the 51st state. The only problem was that he decided to try to position President Kennedy on that during the Cuban Missile Crisis, not a great idea. And that children is why we still only have 50 states.

Also, Homer Simpson’s middle initial, which is J. is inspired by Jay Ward, who often gave his characters the middle initial J. after his first name. So, the primary device, is the Rocky and Bullwinkle show, which is effectively a variety show in which features Rocket J. Squirrel. See that? Known as Rocky as flying squirrel and he or she, I think he’s a he, I can’t remember, is the sidekick of Bullwinkle J. Moose, a moose.

(00:05:01)

As is the case in some of these animated features, Bullwinkle is really dumb and he kind of stumbles his way into wins, kind of like Inspector Gadget, while Rocky is really the smart one, although ostensibly the sidekick. The bad guys are named Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale, who are from a fictional European country of Pottyslvania, had vacation there last year, where their fearless leader whose name is Fearless Leader, tries to coordinate their activity. They’re kind of like Gomez and Morticia from The Addams Family. One of them short and fat, the other one is tall and slim, only they’re international spies who can outsmart got an anthropomorphic moose and squirrel, weak sauce. They try to foil Rocky and Bullwinkle’s plan. They fail. Rinse and repeat. That’s the Rocky and Bullwinkle show.

Now, the other shows within the show really did too. Dudley Do-Right as a Canadian Mountie. Sorry, that was probably redundant, who always tries to do the right thing, get it. His horse is named Horse and his antagonist is called Snidely Whiplash. You probably heard of even if you don’t know, that comes from Dudley Do-Right. Dudley has since upscaled and is now an engineer at Clio surprisingly enough. Peabody’s improbable history is about a dog named Peabody who has invented a time-travel machine, takes his owner Sherman along with him for adventures as his sidekick.

If you’re thinking Peabody and Sherman sounds a lot like Rick and Morty if Rick was a dog, then you would be right. There’s just the swearing and violence, but it’s factually the same. Tiny Rick, but the best part of Rocky and Bullwinkle was Fractured Fairy Tales since Rocky and Bullwinkle was effectively a parody show that use punts aggressively and violently, I would say. It made sense that they would parody traditional fairy tales and subvert people’s expectations about them. Fractured Fairy Tales would essentially reboot fairy tales in a modern context.

For real, though, this series is what taught me to be subversive. If you’re wanting to know what the inspiration for making this fucked up by podcast is, look no further, they’re Fractured Fairy Tales. The reason I decided to do a monologue on Fractured Fairy Tales was because I was forcing my kids to watch it the other day which I do from time to time, and there is a story of a tinkerer who makes good. Lots of these stories are about tinkers, by the way, which if you’re wondering, they’re itinerant workers who fix metal utensils. Yeah, that was a real job back in the Middle Ages. This is a tinker at the end of the episode, he finds his place in the world and his end unfortunately mistaken for the animal and killed by a shotgun wielding hunter.

My kids were like, “What the actual fuck? Is that the real end?” I was like, “Yeah, this ain’t Avengers Infinity War where everybody comes back to life, that motherfucker is dead.” The actual dialogue contained a lot less cursing, so please don’t call family protective services, okay? We good there? Now, I guess in some ways, that’s kind of more like traditional fairy tale endings which we’ll learn more about shortly. Maybe Fractured Fairy Tales was really taking it back to the old school. But if you’ve seen and can appreciate all the Shrek movies and spin-offs like the new one, Puss in Boots like three wishes, this is where it all started.

See, each episode is about five minutes long and they’re almost 100 episodes total. It’s got a great theme song where all the titled cars get broken and the voice cast is amazing. Edward Everett Horton is the narrator and he was a feature film actor going back into the 1920s, his pre-code era for those of you scoring at home. He has a long career as a voice actor in cartoons. He’s great and you definitely know his voice. He kind of sounds like Winnie the Pooh if Winnie the Pooh was a stockbroker. Paul Frees, June Foray, and Daws Butler were also in the cast.

Paul Frees did scores of voices in the Rankin/Bass Christmas specials. June Foray voiced Rocky and also did work for Disney features and in the excellent Phantom Tollbooth movie. Daws Butler voiced a boat load of famous cartoon characters. I mean Pete this list. Elroy Jetson, Snagglepuss, Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear, Chilly Willy, Quick Draw Magraw, Barney Rubble, Hair Bear and the Funky Phantom among others.

Just to offer you a smattering of plotlines then, in Speeding Beauty, a princess becomes a horse and finds a prince to kiss her, but she turns into a nagging wife. Bad beat, there are very few happy endings in Fractured Fairy Tales. Another episode of Tinker Son, of course, is granted a wish. His name is Matt and he says he just wants to be himself. So, he’s turned into a gnat. Given a second chance, he legally changes his name to Arthur and becomes a painting that his dad hangs on the wall. He is literally art. His father told him throughout the episode that if he didn’t change his ways, he’d be hanged and he was. Yes, that’s right. Gallows humor.

But for the children in the Fractured Fairy Tales retelling of Hansel and Gretel, the kids leave on purpose. They don’t get kicked out by their parents because their crazy parents started eating wood because they have no food. The kids challenged the witch when they find her cottage, but her only magical power is to change children into aardvarks, only she hates aardvarks. Then they made a French-speaking duck. It takes them back to their parents’ house. Randomly, a French-speaking duck. I don’t know why.

(00:10:12)

The dad has decided to stop cutting wood and he starts hunting for food, which is the obvious solution to their hunger problem, of course. Also in the son of King Midas, King Midas’ son tries to become a dentist but inherits the golden touch from his father and he turns all his patients’ teeth into gold so he visits the witch to degolden touchify himself, but it doesn’t work. Instead, he opens a locksmith business, solely so the episode writers can make a Goldilocks pun. You can see why this is my jam. I love this shit. Every single episode is great without exception, kind of like our show.

If you also want to traumatize your kids, pretty much all the Fractured Fairy Tales episodes are available on YouTube for free. You’re on the hook for your own therapy bill, so I ain’t paying for that shit. Now, before we get to our interview with Margaret Burke of MB Law Firm Consulting, let’s take a quick break.

[Music]

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[Music]

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[Music]

Jared Correia: Okay, everybody. Let’s get to the meat in the middle of this legal sandwich. Today’s meat is rattlesnake, which I’ve actually eaten before. Let’s do this thing. It’s time to interview our guest. My guest today is Margaret Burke, the president of MB Law Firm Consulting. Margaret, welcome to the show.

Margaret Burke: Very happy to be here.

Jared Correia: Let me thank you because our audience should know that is our second go-round of the Legal Toolkit with you, because my daughter had a epic tantrum last time we tried to record this. Now, my son is staring at me eating Cheetos, so this is my life. Thank you for coming back even though nobody will ever hear that first segment. This will be so much better. I appreciate it, seriously.

Margaret Burke: I’m happy to be here. No problem.

Jared Correia: Do you just start a new business, which is super exciting? Whenever I get people who start businesses coming on the show, I like to the founder story. Can you tell me why you did that and how’s it gone so far?

Margaret Burke: Sure. I can’t completely tell you other than to say it has been something that I’d wanted to do for a long time, that mixed with just this recurring message to just go out and do it myself and combined with my background, very heavy background with law firm management, I just felt as though it was the time to go out on my own and give it a world.

Jared Correia: Excellent. We jumped the gun will get there. What is the business that you’ve washed? Tell me about it. What services you’re offering?

Margaret Burke: MB Law Firm Consulting is a consulting firm that offers services to law firm. I exclusively work with law firms primarily, because one, I love working with attorneys.

Jared Correia: You’re the one person. Good for you.

Margaret Burke: I am the one person. I always start by saying that. I always get a comment. My background is in law firm management and I’ve been working end to end with law firms for over 20 years. As part of that, of course, I had built up a lot of experience that probably contributes to my enjoying working with lawyers is because I feel as though I understand law firms. I understand business supply.

(00:15:00)

What I do is I provide a few services, primarily fractional law firm management with a focus on coming in to a firm when they have a need for someone to manage their firm for them. The attorneys want to free up and they don’t have a resource in-house and my focus is on coming in, managing and making changes and improvements and exiting usually at around the six-month point.

Jared Correia: That’s awesome. Before we get too deep into this, talk to me about your website because I think you’ve just released in your website. It’s got a fancy car on it. Talk to me about the car analogy.

Margaret Burke: It really evolved from like looking under the hood. It really does relate to law firms. When I work with clients–

Jared Correia: I love puns. Keep going.

Margaret Burke: When I work with law firms, usually someone leashes out or I have a conversation about one thing and then it ends up being something completely different that causes the reason that they called me and it’s really getting under the hood and that’s where the whole car theme came about.

Jared Correia: You’re like the law firm mechanic. Did I say that?

Margaret Burke: Yeah, I’m like a mechanic.

Jared Correia: This notion of fractional consulting, fractional C-suite, CMO, COO, CFO, CEO. You’re hearing it a lot more now but I don’t know if everybody who is listening to the show really understands what that is. He talks a little bit about that but could you describe to me what a fractional service is when it comes to that high-level staff person?

Margaret Burke: Sure. A fractional service is an experienced individual, a team that comes in and provides support in service to a company that doesn’t need that skill set full time but they do need it part time. You probably heard of fractional CFOs. I think that was one of the first fractional positions that people became very familiar with. Now, you’ll hear a lot about fractional CMOs and what the service I provide is really that of a fractional COO/law firm executive director. It’s a combination of services, and for me, it is law firm management, oversight of everything, though it includes things that could fall into CMO, CFO, so marketing, HR, firm management, and strategic planning.

Jared Correia: Traditionally law firms have like, this is my notion of this, you tell me if you disagree. Law firms love to throw lawyers their problems. They’re like, “Oh, we need an operations person. Let’s pull a lawyer to do that.” That’s terrible decision-making as far as I’m concerned because those lawyers can make more money bill like a lawyer and they don’t have the skill set to do that kind of job. An operations person has a certain skill set. A chief marketing officer has a certain skill set. Is that part of the pitch here that you make is well and do you see the same thing happening within firms?

Margaret Burke: I do and there is some firms that will continue to have the founder’s attorneys will want to continue to manage the firm. Many firms don’t want that model any longer but what they do have want is to be kept informed. They also want to know that things are being handled and at that firm is being run very well with an eye on profitability. I think that there’ll always be a group of firms that want to stay the way they are, and that’s great, but then there’s also better firms that want to evolve and improve.

Jared Correia: Do you find that this is more of a trend now that it has been? It sounds like a lot more firms are at least looking at this option of fractional C-suite people.

Margaret Burke: Absolutely. You mentioned at the beginning of our call that many folks don’t understand what fractional is. I think that many firms are starting to understand and look for people to come in on a part-time basis. I would see before COVID, there was less of a demand, but now we have firms, the founders are working from home also. They were comfortable with that fractional individual that’s not in their firm every day.

Jared Correia: This is a little bit of an increased comfort level for law firms to write. I think the gig economy is becoming more of a thing in legal and that’s part of this. Then also, there’s this notion of non-attorneys viable contributors to law firms. I think both those things have to be in play if you’re going to opt for a fractional C-suite person to help out. What are your thoughts on that? Is that true and do you see that developing? I think these are all good things by the way for law firms.

(00:20:02)

Margaret Burke: Yeah, thank you. That is true and I’ll add a few other occasions where I see people becoming more open to the fractional support. It can be a reaction to something that has happened.

Jared Correia: Oh sure.

Margaret Burke: Firms will have growth and be a growth which is wonderful. They may not be able to support that any longer and they suddenly realize sometimes on short notice that they need to make a change right away. They become very open to fractional, especially when the market of people with strong law firm management experience has many wonderful people out there I would say on a full-time basis, the salary price point may be higher than firms who want to get into initially by this, they’re dipping their toes and having someone else help manage a firm.

In addition, I have found that if there is an event that’s unfavorable for the firm, that may have a group of attorneys suddenly leave and say we’re leaving because XYZ, and those XYZs will lead to the management of the firm, that’s another occasion where I think firms are becoming much more open to having a fractional COO. Then, I think overall, these also been this realization by many of us that want some time off, and a lot of lawyers that are managing firms are working seven days a week sometimes and they have become–

Jared Correia: Yeah, lawyers hate vacations.

Margaret Burke: Well, it’s funny because it seems as though a lot of lawyers and now, they want more time off, but feel as though they can’t take that because they’re also managing the firm and that has been a third realization is there are resources you don’t need someone fill time.

Jared Correia: I’m guessing you find both these things to be true. Sometimes, a firm will grow out of a fractional person and then there’s opportunity to potentially have the option to go in as full-time person with the firm. Then, I assume if firms contract as well, there’s the opportunity to come in when a C-suite person has left. You’ve seen both those things happen? I’m sure you are.

Margaret Burke: Both of those events are correct. Absolutely. I haven’t seen a lot of terms downsizing. I see a lot of growth.

Jared Correia: That’s a good sign though.

Margaret Burke: I will share the way I work with clients and I’m really deliberate about this and it is reason behind it is I come into a firm with the goal of working with a firm on what I would call a temporary basis. What I like to do is come in, it’s usually treated by the vent, quite often they realize they need support. I’ll come in, take–

Jared Correia: Lawyers love a tragedy to change what they do, or they’re like dinosaurs standing around the Yucatan Peninsula 65 million years ago.

Margaret Burke: Sometimes. What I do is I will come in with my team and hands on me into the firm. To do that, there’s a time frame when you need to learn. You get to know people, you love the systems. I take advantage of this opportunity, do an assessment, make recommendations, and implement improvements, changes and also re-enforce things that the firms are doing well but not everyone is doing it. (00:23:25) with the firm. Typically, I would say six months is a sweet spot to do this. They would need during that time and then sit down with a firm and make recommendations by continuing. Quite often, once the firm is in good order, things were in place, systems are in place, they can sometimes be someone that works at the firm that can fill in or I can support hiring someone, or third, I can stay on in a capacity that works for the firm.

Jared Correia: Yes, a lot of options given that you’re fractional and all that. You can kind of flow with the needs of the firm, which —

Margaret Burke: I can flow and what I do, I’m very deliberate though when I come in, I’m scheduling that meeting so that we ensure that we sit down, take a look at the progress and decide on these two.

Jared Correia: You mentioned before that a lot of this really start picking up steam like post pandemic really. That was a time when lawyers started adopting more and more technology, so infinitely easier to do this type of work when you’re using cloud software and then I want to ask you about that, how you utilize that, and then the other question I have is how embedded are you within the firms? Are they giving you an email address there, you on the Slack channel? What do they want there?

Margaret Burke: I am often, I don’t want to see always, but if it’s an ongoing engagement, I have an email. I am on Slack at the you Slack a Google Chat. It depends, and I’m very embedded in the firm and I think that that’s really important because it’s hard to do a good job if you don’t work really closely with the folks at the firm as if you’re part of the team and my goal is to become part of the team.

(00:25:07)

Jared Correia: The firms want that too, I would imagine. That’s a shared goal.

Margaret Burke: The firms absolutely want that. They really do. It’s similar if they hired someone, they want that person to be integrated to know the team because if I’m not embedded in the firm, everyone’s still going to the managing partner, and the goal is to free up the management, so I need to be embedded in order to be successful.

Jared Correia: If I’m a law firm and I’m hearing this, so I’m like, “Hey, that sounds like what I need.” What am I looking for in terms of fractional person? What kind of questions do I ask of a consultant from the law firm’s perspective? Because I would imagine a lot of this is like a first-time thing for these firms. I would guess most of the firms you worked for is the first time they’re doing something like this? I could be wrong.

Margaret Burke: I think you’re right. I’m actually thinking this room. I think it is the first time. I don’t believe I’ve worked with anyone that’s already had a fractional person. References, I think speaking with folks that someone has worked with is obviously really important. Also asking questions like what if how would you handle your typical interview questions that are open-ended, I think are really helpful and base those questions around what’s really important to the person that would be working with a fractional professional, so if it’s a managing partner, if that managing partner wants to be kept informed, really focusing on that. Focusing on how the individual fractional prospect handles difficult situations and/or difficult partners, like talking about that and really looking at the facial expression and the body language when they respond to see if that person is comfortable with your firm.

Jared Correia: That’s great. One more question I have for you, it just came to mind and then we’ll release you from this segment of the interview. Are people asking you for standard operating procedures, processes or flows these days because I know that’s a major concern for a lot of law firms? And if so, how do you support that need?

Margaret Burke: Great question. The answer is yes. They don’t always say, “Oh, we want a workflow.” It may be, we don’t understand why people aren’t using a certain system and we’re having client feedback that the client service isn’t as good as it should be. It leads usually into whether you are, what’s expected of the folks at work at your firm, and two, do they know that’s expected. Three, usually the enthusiasts and the third question is, is it documented and given out like onboarding and trained to then usually, it can be (00:27:45) at that point and then it leads into SOWs and workflows and those types of needs. That’s part of what I work with a firm on a fractional basis.

That’s usually a very big focus in addition to documenting things like the insurance, the vendors, renewals of equipment and leases, financial and things that aren’t that exciting but are really important, documenting those in and learning how the firm does things and putting it into writing and making sure that people are aware.

Jared Correia: Sounds pretty good. Margaret, will you come back for the last section?

Margaret Burke: I will, yeah.

Jared Correia: We’re going to take one final sponsored break so you can hear more about what our sponsors can do for your law practice. Then, stay tuned for the rump roast. It’s even more supple than the roast beast.

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Jared Correia: Welcome to the rear end of the Legal Toolkit. That’s right, it’s the rump roast. It’s a grab bag of short form topics, all of my choosing. Why do I get to pick? Because I’m the host. Today, I want to play a little game I like to call not so happy endings. So, we talked about Fractured Fairy Tales in my monologue for the show. We are going to talk a little bit more about Fractured Fairy Tales. Margaret, let me ask you, do you remember Fractured Fairy Tales from back in the day?

(00:30:09)

Margaret Burke: No.

Jared Correia: You got to listen to the monologue. Have you ever watched Rocky and Bullwinkle when you were a kid?

Margaret Burke: Yes, but I didn’t love them but I did.

Jared Correia: I loved Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Margaret Burke: I’m a Scooby-Doo person.

Jared Correia: That’s fair. I like Scooby-Doo as well. I’ve done a monologue on Scooby-Doo previously. There was like this little segment where they would do these parodies of fairy tales in Rocky and Bullwinkle and they were call Fractured Fairy Tales. You can watch them all on YouTube, they’re great. Today, I want to continue the fairy tale theme. I want to quiz you on fairy tales. So here’s how we’re going to play. I’m going to name a popular fairy tale and then you’re going to guess the original ending.

I’m not going to make the super hard. I’m going to give you a multiple choice list, and fair warning, these fairy tales get pretty dark. Not the Disney version. Snow White, the end of the original version of Snow White, what happens? The Seven Dwarfs tear the Evil Queen’s limbs off, the prince rejects Snow White who then commit suicide by jumping off a cliff, or the Evil Queen is forced to wear hot iron shoes at the dance until she dies. Really positive stuff here. Can you pick the original ending?

Margaret Burke: Number three.

Jared Correia: Excellent. You’re correct.

Margaret Burke: Thank you.

Jared Correia: How did you know that?

Margaret Burke: I just know.

Jared Correia: I’m impressed. All right. You’re one for one. This is impressive.

Margaret Burke: Do I win something?

Jared Correia: No, you don’t win anything. Prize? You get to laugh at the people who totally shit the bed when they do the segment. All right.

Margaret Burke: Can you give me the names?

Jared Correia: I will.

Margaret Burke: Thanks.

Jared Correia: That’s only the first question though. Little Mermaid. Here are your options. The mermaid can kill the prince, decides not to and instead commits suicide by jumping in the sea. Two, the mermaid does kill the prince but remains a human and can no longer speak. Or three, Flounder of the fish goes berserk and has to be put down by a SWAT team. Which of the options is correct?

Margaret Burke: She jumps in the sea and kills herself.

Jared Correia: Wow! You’re really good at fairy tales.

Margaret Burke: I am, thank you.

Jared Correia: And she turns into foam is my understanding.

Margaret Burke: It’s so sad.

Jared Correia: I want people to know, we have not prepped before this. I had no idea you’re a fairy tale expert. Now, I look like the fool. All right, here we go. Rapunzel. Rapunzel is a horrible perm and flees into the forest never to be seen again.

Margaret Burke: I’ve been there.

Jared Correia: Two, Rapunzel falls to her death for the tower when her godmother cuts her hair, mid-climb. Or last, the evil godmother convinces the prince that Rapunzel has died. He flings himself from the tower and is blinded. Which is the actual ending of Rapunzel?

Margaret Burke: Two. Her hair is cut.

Jared Correia: I have three. Now, I’m second-guessing myself because you’re so good at this.

Margaret Burke: I was so confident with my answer.

Jared Correia: The prince falls, his eyes are gouged out or whatever by the thorn bushes at the bottom of the tower, but still you’re on a roll.

Margaret Burke: Thank you. This is terrible.

Jared Correia: This is really damaging. This is why no children should listen to the podcast.

Margaret Burke: Can we check that answer just to be sure though.

Jared Correia: I will.

Margaret Burke: Thank you.

Jared Correia: I will make sure that that is correct and if it is not, I will put a disclaimer on this podcast about my own idiocy. Cinderella. Slightly trick question here. I’m going to warn you of that. First, Cinderella kills her evil stepmother by slamming the lid of a chest on her throat, breaking her neck. Two, the evil stepsisters slice off portions of their own feet to try to fit in the glass slipper. This is discovered and then (00:33:59) their eyes out because of course, they do. And lastly, Cinderella’s home alone and booby traps the house using paint cans and other household goods while her real mom is flying back from Paris, so she won’t be alone on Christmas Day. Which is actually the ending of Cinderella?

Margaret Burke: I’m going to go with two. I think that the evil stepsisters cut their feet off to try to squeeze into the shoes.

Jared Correia: You are correct, fairy tale master. However, in alternate versions of the story, one is also correct. All right. I know this may be the best performance in the rump roast of all time.

Margaret Burke: Pressure, okay.

Jared Correia: Peter Pan. One, Captain Hook feeds Peter Pan to a Crocodile by dangling him from his ship. Two, Peter Pan kills children when they grow up in Neverland. Three, Peter Pan adopts a chimp named Bubbles and builds a mansion that he names Neverland.

Margaret Burke: One.

Jared Correia: It is two. Peter Pan stops children from going out by killing them.

Margaret Burke: I’m shocked.

Jared Correia: Release that.

Margaret Burke: I’m shocked by the way.

(00:35:02)

Jared Correia: I know. I wouldn’t count Peter Pan for that either. Last one and then we can go back to watching the Disney movies of fairy tales or watch the Fractured Fairy Tales if you want as well.

Margaret Burke: I’ll never look at it the same again.

Jared Correia: Little Red Riding Hood. The original ending of the Little Red Riding Hood.

Margaret Burke: I played Little Red Riding Hood in plays.

Jared Correia: This should be easy for you. Although I would bet the plays that you’re in did not share this ending. Option one, the Wolf eats both the grandmother and Little Red Riding Hood. Option two, Little Red Riding Hood eats the grandmother and the Wolf, surprise. Number three, the wolf chokes on the donut, the Little Red Riding Hood breaks him. Fortunately, she knows the Heimlich maneuver and saves him but he’s still hungry, so he eats her anyway. Original ending of Little Red Riding Hood.

Margaret Burke: One.

Jared Correia: Number one is correct. Margaret, amazing work here. Amazing work.

Margaret Burke: Thank you.

Jared Correia: That was one of the finest performances in rump roast history.

Margaret Burke: I’m so incredibly proud. You make sure that you give me the names of the —

Jared Correia: I’m going to check the Rapunzel answer for you and then I’m going to give you a list of people to harass online on this. I’m all over it and I don’t know, we may have to Institute a prize now. We might have to name it after you. The Margaret Burke’s quiz prize.

Margaret Burke: I’d be so flattered. Thank you.

Jared Correia: This was fun. And so, check out Fractured Fairy Tales. You are going to love it.

Margaret Burke: I will.

Jared Correia: Thank you for coming out. This was a lot of fun.

Margaret Burke: Thanks for having me. Have a good rest of the day. Take care.

Jared Correia: Thank you. Take care.

[Music]

If you want to find out more about Margaret Burke and MB Law Firm Consulting, visit mblawconsulting.com. That’s M, letter M, B, the letter B, lawconsulting.com, mblawconsulting.com. Now, for those of you listening and fondling yourselves in Ballplay, Alabama, I’ve got a great Spotify playlist for you.  These are all songs related to fairy tales in some way. Now, I’ve run out of time, so I won’t be able to stick my dick in mashed potatoes. In my defense, I did not know it was going to be that kind of party. This is Jarred Correia reminding you not to eat the yellow snow unless it’s lemon-shaped ice, and maybe not even that.

[Music]

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