EP 1001- Celebrate Yourself

Episode Notes

Transcript

Announcer:

Welcome to Heels in the Courtroom, where the trial lawyers of the Simon Law Firm break down what it takes to win in the courtroom and in life.

Elizabeth McNulty:

Welcome back to another episode of Heals in the Courtroom. I’m Elizabeth McNulty, joined by Katie St. John and Liz Lenivy. Hey,

Elizabeth Lenivy:

Elizabeth. Hey.

Elizabeth McNulty:

So we are recording near the end of December, about to enjoy some much deserved time off. And during this season, I think for me, it’s always important to spend a little bit of time reflecting on the year that we all just accomplished. I know that I’ve taken away a lot of lessons from the past year. I’ve learned a lot about others. I’ve learned a lot about myself. And so I think it’s important to just sit down with your own thoughts and be proud of all that you’ve accomplished, or for some of us, just be proud that you got through the year. It’s a weird time, I feel like. For a lot of people, it can be really challenging, especially with the holidays. And that’s why I think it’s really important to reflect and kind of celebrate yourself for whatever you … Whether you just got through it this year or maybe you had some really big accomplishments.

I think that’s really important in kind of setting yourself up for a great 2026. So in doing that, this past year has been pretty big for me personally. My boyfriend now fiance moved to St. Louis from Cincinnati. We had been long distance for almost two years. And so with that came a lot of great things. I also had to learn to live with another person. I had been living on my own for eight years, which seems kind of crazy. I’m a very independent person. As some of you may know, I take a lot of pride in doing everything on my own or up until that point I did. And so something I learned about myself this year is really important for me to accept help. When he moved here, two months later, we got engaged and bought a house. So it was a really big year.

And so with that, I couldn’t do everything on my own anymore. We moved from a condo to a house. With that comes tons of responsibility and things that need to get done. And so it was important to divide those responsibilities. And for me, that kind of took some getting used to having someone else responsible for things. I had to let go of some control, but I also had to trust that I’d chosen a good partner to kind of walk through life with and accept their help. And I think one of the biggest takeaways from that is having it done is better than having it perfect, which is something I’ve been working on myself. Just because I’m a little bit of a control freak in my own personal life. Sometimes I’ve learned professionally I can let a lot of things go. I think that’s kind of important.

We can’t do this work on our own, but in my personal life, I’ve always had a lot of control over everything, hand in all the pots, and I had to learn in order for a relationship to be successful, I was going to need to accept some help. That’s been a challenge, but I think I’ve gotten a lot better at it. I guess you’d have to ask Max, my fiance, if he would agree with me. I like to give some instruction where sometimes things aren’t needed at all. But he is a good sport and I’m very lucky that he loves me as much as he does. Otherwise, who knows? But I think professionally, I’ve had a lot of growth in my career this past year within the firm. I’ve kind of gone out on my own. I handle all of my cases pretty much by myself unless it comes time to try one of them.

And that was kind of scary at first, but now it’s really empowering and can be kind of fun because you get to kind of make your own decisions with all of your cases and consult all of the people here who are really smart and talented and still do kind of what you think is best for the client at the end of the day, which was scary at first. But I’ve learned a lot this year. It really pushed me out of my comfort zone, but it also allows for a lot of autonomy scheduling wise, not having to necessarily answer to another lawyer on the case and just kind of get to make the decisions that you think are best, which has been a really good opportunity for growth for me. And I’m excited for what’s next. Has anyone else kind of taken the time to reflect and what you might be proud of yourself this year, what you’ve learned?

Elizabeth Lenivy:

It’s interesting as you were talking, Elizabeth, I feel like my reflection on the past year is, I don’t want to say the opposite, but kind of a little bit on the other end of the spectrum where I think we all struggle in some ways to accept help. There’s obviously been a big change at our firm, a big change on the podcast with Amy and Erika striking it out on their own. And while that’s a wonderful opportunity for them, we’re very happy for them, that did put me in a very different position here. And I went from being kind of right in the middle. I was older than or more experienced years wise than you and Mary, but I was less experienced than Amy and Erika. I’m right in the middle. And it was kind of a nice, comfortable position to be in where I had people to go to that had more experience to be my mentor if I had questions or just anything that had come up and I just needed some additional advice.

But also I was able to help trickle that advice down or my experiences down to younger lawyers. And with their departure, I suddenly found myself in the position that I am the most experienced female litigator at this office. And it was not what I had expected, but it was an opportunity to really seize a new role. And the thing that I have had to learn with that is that I need to trust my gut more often and maybe I don’t need to rely on advice from others when I know in my own heart and in my own mind, what is the right thing for me? And I think that that is something that I’ve always struggled a little bit with is a little bit of analysis paralysis where I just … It’s tough to pull the trigger when you have to make a decision. And this job is nothing but a series of constant decisions every day.

I mean, think about how many times you have to pause and think, how do I want to do this task? Every action we take requires mental, fortitude. You can’t just do anything willy-nilly here. And that responsibility was always made a little bit easier for me because I could always have someone to turn to. And what I’ve learned about myself is I actually know the right decision. Look, maybe I’ll screw up every now and then that is part of growing, that is part of learning, that is something else I have to learn to accept. And it’s not that I don’t go and seek out advice from others. I mean, I go to the other older attorneys here now. They have filled that role for me if I do need help, if I do need advice. But the other thing I’ve learned is that even though you all are younger than me, I turn to you all for advice as well.

I go and I say, “Hey, I’ve got this issue in this case. What would you do? Have you faced this issue before?” Maybe even though I’m older than you, I’ve never had this issue before, but you have. So you can give me some advice. You’ve written this motion before, you’ve researched this issue before, you’ve worked with this particular opposing counsel and you know how to deal with them. That has been a really interesting, I guess, growth I’ve seen in myself is learning to not only just trust other people, but to trust myself more. And I kind of had to learn that a little bit the hard way this year in other aspects where I kind of realized that I may have given people a little bit too much of my own trust and thinking that they had my best interest in mind without realizing that they had additional information that really did affect what decision I could or would have made.

And so I don’t want to say I distrust other people, but I will say that it’s made me trust myself more and that at the end of the day, I’m not going to control what anyone else does or what anyone else is planning or thinking. I can only control my own orbit. And with that, I feel more confident in making decisions and I have grown in that confidence throughout the year and I know that it’s only going to get better in 2026.

Elizabeth McNulty:

I think that’s a mature takeaway from going through some of the things that you’ve gone through is like learning to trust yourself instead of projecting that onto other people that they did it to you. I think it’s really hard when you go to people who do what we do for a living for advice because we’re so good at convincing you of our point of view. That’s our whole job. And so when you seek advice from people that you trust, but might be acting within their own self-interest, it can be hard to navigate those waters just because I mean, it’s human nature to give advice that might also benefit you, but I don’t know, sometimes you have to look through that lens and just trust yourself and not be afraid to still do what you want to do, even if it goes against the advice you’re giving.

I wouldn’t do that all the time, but it’s still good to do every once in a while or at least think through it.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

Yeah. The other thing that I picked up on though too is that if I’m really unsure about a decision, I should talk to a lot of people.

Elizabeth McNulty:

Yes.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

So there were a couple of decisions that I had been given some advice and then when I would talk to other people, they would go, “That’s insane. Don’t do that. ” I said, “Okay, good. That’s what my gut was telling me. Don’t do that.

Katie St. John:

” I think it’s interesting just obviously I’ve just joined Simon in April, so I haven’t been here to see either of you personally or professionally before now. But something that I will say is, well, one, being here and having both of you as well as Mary is an incredible opportunity for me that I appreciate and was so exciting for me when I got to be here is that there was other additional female attorneys in the office. So that’s one. Super shout out to both of you. Thanks for welcoming me and imparting wisdom on me in terms of whatever may be happening. I appreciate that. But what I was going to say is, in listening to you talk, is sometimes your life just might be aligning at this moment for you to realize that you’re at this pivotal point in your career where you can be a leader for us younger women in the office.

And this is just kind of like you stepping into your power and your time. And so I think that’ll be exciting and I’m excited to see what 2026 has for both of you. In terms of when I kind of think back on my year, I think that my personal life and my professional life kind of aligned this year. And I sometimes hate doing these reflections and what are you going to do in 2026 kind of things. I just, I don’t know. But when I sat down to think about it, there was, in both my personal life and my professional life, I think if I had to sum it up, I would sum it up by saying, grow beyond what tried to hold you back. And that’s both personally and professionally. And being able to focus on what is ahead of me and not what has happened behind me, like I said, it’s not something I’ve really thought about summarizing until now, but I think that’s how I would kind of summarize my year of 2025 and going forward, just being able to kind of keep growing beyond anything that has tried to hold me back.

That’s where I’m at on that.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

That’s really profound. That’s really good. I’m glad you went last.

Katie St. John:

I think there’s common themes for all of us and kind of looking at our year, a glance at our year in the past, but it’s just, there’s so much of being in this professional life that you’re go, go, go, go, go. So this is a really good thing that we’re doing is kind of sitting down and reflecting. But sometimes when you’re in the go mode, it’s hard to reflect on where you’re at and where you want to be. And it’s easy to let, whether that be somebody sway your decision and not trust your gut or not accept help, I mean, that’s sometimes just like the easier thing to do for whatever reason. And for me, I had been staying in situations that were holding me back. And so I think taking that step to realize it and move forward, I’m excited for what 2026 has for me.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

I’m excited for you too. And I know that this has been a big transition year for you and a lot of things have happened. And I’m very glad that you’re here and I’m very glad that you are achieving all of these goals that you have set for yourself. In reflecting and I’m thinking about leadership positions and yada, yada, yada. And I know I’m the oldest here now, but we are all peers. We’re all very similar in age. Honestly, it doesn’t feel like … I feel like oftentimes when someone talks about like, “Oh, well, you’re the oldest now.” It’s like a motherly role or something we get shoved into. And I don’t feel that at all, obviously. We’re two to three, four years apart maybe, but I do kind of feel like … And something that I’m familiar with is an elder sister. I kind of look at our group as kind of like how I look at my little sister and how proud I am of all of you and how much you’ve grown.

I wish Mary was here so she could hear it as well, because I am so proud of her and all the things she’s accomplished this year, and she’s had a really big year personally and professionally. So I know this is a big love fest right now, but genuinely I’m very proud of all of you as your colleague, as your peer, and as your friend. So great. Great job, ladies. Great 2025.

Elizabeth McNulty:

That is so sweet of you, Liz. I think that I can speak for the group collectively when I say that we’re also very proud of you. It’s been a weird, but exciting year, I think. I don’t know if you would always agree with either of those words. Maybe always weird. Always

Elizabeth Lenivy:

Weird. Always weird.

Elizabeth McNulty:

Well, you and I have grown a lot closer through all of the changes this past year, and I’m very thankful for that opportunity and our friendship. I don’t know that I would’ve gotten through the year as … I feel kind of unscathed to some extent. I know you might not feel the same.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

Mildly scathed.

Elizabeth McNulty:

Right. Just mild, but I wouldn’t have been so as fortunate without your help and guidance throughout the year and friendship, most importantly that. So with that, I kind of want to talk a little bit more about a tradition. My family started a couple of years ago, and I know in the past we’ve done resolution episodes before, but my family likes to do something a little bit different where we choose a word for the upcoming year to kind of … It’s a little resolution adjacent, I would say. It’s kind of a word as a theme of the year, something you want to see as your vision for the year, something you want to get better at. In the past, my word, one of the years it was persist. I was just trying to get through the year, which could probably work every year. Last year, my word was progress.

I thought it was going to be kind of a year that would include some changes and I was ready to kind of progress in life. And I think that we’re kind of making that happen this past year. I’ve been somewhat successful with that. I think my word for 2026 is going to be observation. I’m getting married in 2026, and I think that it’s a really exciting time. It’s also really stressful for someone like me. I’m like very … I mean, on the sliding scale of type A, I’m actually a pretty chill type A, but when it comes to planning for things like this, I get somewhat stressed out over all the little details just because I think that those are really important. At the end of the day, they might just be important to me, but I still want to make sure everything goes well and is right.

But it’s also really important for me to really enjoy all these moments because they should be first and only moments that you only get to live out your wedding probably once if you’re lucky. And so I just want to make sure that I take time to fully experience it instead of just rush, rush through all of the milestones in life because I think that these are kind of like the whole point of life is kind of enjoying the moment. And that’s something that I have to be very intentional about or they’ll just pass me by. So kind of a stop and smell the roses kind of year. But I think professionally, the word observe works too, because it’s so important in what we do to kind of take a step back and see the full picture. Sometimes we get so lost in the details that we miss big obvious things and we get so in the weeds and it’s harder to do our job when you don’t see kind of the way a juror’s going to see it.

So I think just observing it will benefit me and add to the work that I’m already doing. So I know I prompted this before the episode, so hopefully you maybe have a word that you’re going to take into 2026 with you.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

So I was trying to think of what was the right word. And when I think back on my 2025 and what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown and going into 2026, the first word that popped into my head was planning, but that’s boring. That’s a boring word. But I kind of wanted to get into this idea of I really am the master of my own fate and I can make the decisions, I can put all of the pieces in place that will help me get to wherever it is that I want to go. And so I turned to the dictionary for words that were similar to planning, but maybe fit more of the theme that I was going with. And some of the other words that it gave me were plotting, devising, calculating. And I was like, “Ooh, that sounds a little bit too ominous.

I don’t want to go with that. I’m not in the corner rubbing my hands together, scheming over here.” But one of the words that was suggested that kind of resonated with me was shaping. And a little bit of it too, as much control as I have over things, like there are external factors that are going to affect my decisions, that are going to affect my life, and that is both personal and professional. And so the best that I can do is to try to shape my own future. And I feel that that idea also gives, that word kind of like lends a little bit more flexibility. I’m going to be able to roll with the punches a little bit more. So that’s my word for 2026 is shaping. Excellent.

Elizabeth McNulty:

I love that. Love it.

Katie St. John:

When you said this, Elizabeth, the first word that popped in my head was perseverance and the thought of, and I think again, it’s something that I’m going to focus on both personally and professionally, being able to keep going even when things are hard or they’re moving slowly or it’s frustrating and staying committed to whatever the specific goal I have in mind, despite any obstacles. When I think of New Year’s resolutions, I think of writing down things I want to do and that process always, I don’t know why, what it is about me, but that process just kind of is annoying to me and also I don’t feel like in the current state that I am with having two little kids and being out on my own, it’s not something that I have time to look at my notebook and say, “What am I going to do in 2026?” I’m kind of flying by the seat of my pants.

That’s how I feel like I am right now, but through that, I can still persevere. And despite what’s going on, I can keep pushing forward and keep getting things done and keep reaching goals, whatever that may be and kind of embracing the challenges that I’m currently facing and just keep going. Also, work on being dressed.

Elizabeth McNulty:

Dressed.

Katie St. John:

Matching your guys’ energy at the office. You’ll both always look dressed to the nines and I come in my sweatpants, but it’s okay. I’m going to work on it.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

I feel it’s so important to note that Elizabeth and I are both in sweaters and jeans right now. It’s pretty casual. And Katie, you do come dressed to the office. She does wear clothes. She wears clothes. It’s important now we know

Elizabeth McNulty:

That.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

Coming in a burlap sack into the office. No, no, no.

Katie St. John:

No, but sometimes you work how you … What is it? You perform how you present or … You know what I’m saying? If you … I don’t know.

Elizabeth McNulty:

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

Katie St. John:

I don’t know. I’m going to work on it, guys. I do. They’re fashion finds for Katie in 2026. You all better just watch out.

Elizabeth McNulty:

I’m excited.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

I’m excited as well. I understand office culture has changed. I think people have become more relaxed, more casual, and I am a big proponent of just dressing.

If you can get your job done, dressed how you are, that’s all that matters at the end of the day. I know for myself and during the pandemic when I wouldn’t … I would basically roll out of bed and I would just get to work in the clothes that I slept in, like pajamas at the computer, maybe a throw on a blazer if I’ve got a Zoom hearing or something, maybe run a comb through my hair. But I have noticed that the days that I feel a little bit more dressed like a lawyer, it kind of gets me into that mode a little bit. But again, don’t be influenced by other people. Just do your own thing.

Katie St. John:

I just want you guys to know I own more than black leggings and a sweatshirt. I do. And for my mom, if you’re listening, I’m going to try really hard, mom, because she would like to know what you guys wear to the office when she sees me sometimes.

Elizabeth McNulty:

That’s sweet. I will say, I think it’s important to dress for yourself. So you just do whatever works for you in that moment. But going back to your word, I will say, I think it’s really brave to continue continuing on because not everyone has the courage to keep doing that. A lot of people would just bury their head in the sand and just be like, “I can’t do this. I don’t like what life has dealt me and just give up.” And so I think it’s really brave to keep persisting. I think it’s important to give yourself grace in those moments too.

Elizabeth Lenivy:

Yeah. And I had written down a little line that someone had told Steve and me. And Elizabeth, you made me think of it when you said observe and trying to just … It sounds like you’re trying to soak in everything 2026 is going to have for you because it’s going to be a really big year for you, especially getting married. What a wonderful life event. But I think that this phrase also kind of works a little bit with your word too, Katie. So I just want to throw it out there. It was around maybe my fifth or sixth wedding anniversary and one of my husband’s mentors, who’s been married for a long, long time, she commented, “The days are long, but the years are short.” It’s this idea that as much of a slog as it is to get through the day to day and just, again, the grind of it all, you realize how fast time really does go by.

So as stressful as the wedding planning is and everything that goes into it, it is so important to take it in and soak it all in because the next thing you know, it’s going to be your first wedding anniversary and then five and then 10 and you’re going to be like, “Oh my God, where did the years go? ” But on the other end of what your word was, Katie, the grind as much as it wears you down and preserving through it, you will get through it. And before you know it, the years will go by and you will look back on it and think like, “Wow, how amazing am I that I got through that? ” So I just kind of wanted to leave with that.

Elizabeth McNulty:

I love that. That’s excellent advice. I think everyone would be apt to take it. And if you’ve enjoyed this exercise, I would encourage you to reflect on the year and then also indulge me in choosing a word of the year that you kind of want to be the theme of your 2026. So with that, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season and I hope 2026 brings everyone health and prosperity. So we drop episodes every other week. Thank you for listening. If you have any questions or comments, reach out to us at [email protected]. Thank you so much.

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