If you know exactly how all your clients found you, then you know exactly how to market your firm to keep driving more growth. But, a whole lot of firms aren’t tracking the process from need to lead to paying client. Jared chats with Patrick Carver about how collecting the right data on leads eventually converts into more clients and bigger profits.
Later, Patrick sticks around for the Rump Roast and a new take on the much-loved antics of the Florida Man—but this time, just a bit north! Jared’s latest quiz asks the question,“What Would Georgia Man Do?”
And, The perfect intake form isn’t as elusive as you might think. Jared’s got tips for hitting the Goldilocks zone with each and every potential client to make sure you’re not wasting your time or theirs.
Patrick Carver is CEO and owner of Constellation Marketing.
We talked with Patrick Carver about, among other things, the great state of Georgia. So, here are some of our favorite Georgia songs!
Our opening track is Two Cigarettes by Major Label Interest.
Our closing track is Night Whispers by Dr. Delight.
Special thanks to our
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Intro: It’s the Legal Toolkit with Jared Correia, with guests Patrick Carver. We play a round of what would Florida man do. And then because we love you, we think it’s time we gave you something special. Not something of actual value though. No, never that. But first your host Jared Correia.
Jared Correia: Now, throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don’t care. Yes, the legal toolkit’s back and it’s in full effect. And yes, it’s still called the Legal Toolkit Podcast. Even though I’m not great at using pipe clamps, despite the fact that handier men than I, tell me that they can never have enough. I’m your host, Jared Correia. You’re stuck with me because Tim Robinson was unavailable. He was doing a ghost tour at the Larboard Oaks Mansion.
I’m the CEO of Red Cave Law Firm Consulting, a business management consulting service for attorneys and bar associations. Find us [email protected]. I’m the CEO of Gideon software. We build chatbots so law firms can convert more lease and conversational document assembly tools so law firms can build documents faster and more accurately. Schedule a demo to check out our new signature [email protected].
Now before we get to our interview today with Patrick Carver from Constellation Marketing, I want to talk about intake forms. So when we talk to Patrick Carver in a second, he’s the head of Constellation Marketing. We’re going to talk a bit about collecting data for your marketing, which is a really important thing and often overlooked. Again, Patrick and I are going to chat about that.
But I want to talk a little bit about the first place you collect data from most of your marketing efforts, which is intake forms. When you get a lead in your law firm, they’re filling out some manner of intake form or you, or an agent of yours is filling out an intake form on your behalf.
And when I talk about intake forms, I guess I mean that pretty broadly, right? You have standard intake forms, contact forms at websites, you’ve got chat tools that do intake. Sometimes people are calling you on the phone. Sometimes you’ve got referrals that come in through email. So, there’s a number of different ways you can get intake information. Many of those ways may have different sets of information attached to them, and sometimes they have more or less complete information sets available. So what do you do? How do you manage all this data, which is a very modern business problem, right?
Well, I think the plan is that you want to make sure that you’re gathering the same information for every lead you have. So, this is consistent. So how do you do that? Well, I think you use an intake form for everything and make it dynamic so that when certain questions are answered in a specific way, the form can change based on the responses. So, if somebody answers one question the other way, it may yield another question, or it may reduce the size of the form. Lots of different things you can do with intake questionnaires. So for example, if you’ve got somebody that you’re trying to work with and they answer that they’re not in the specific jurisdiction you work in, they don’t need to complete the rest of that form. You can just say, “Hey, sorry, we only work with clients in this state.” Or if you’re asking a question that needs some exposition, you could ask somebody, for example, who’s coming in for an estate plan? “Do you have assets over a million dollars?” If they say, no, you may not want to work with clients like that. So you bounce them. If you say yes, you can ask specific questions about the assets. “Do you own a second home?” “Do you have snowmobiles?” I don’t know, whatever it is that the state planning attorneys do. So, create that form. Make it dynamic. And then you’re looking to do two things with these intake forms.
The first is that you’re looking to get enough information to make a call on whether you want that lead to move to an initial consultation with an attorney to make the decision about whether or not they want to work with this client in the law firm. And then two, you want to make that form so it’s not long enough that it pisses the lead off and they’re going to go talk to another law firm. So you don’t want like a 50 question intake form for an initial lead. You just want to ask the most basic questions. Some of those jurisdictional questions. Some of the questions about what they need from you. Contact information. You can likely get out of there in 7 to 10 questions, which would be really fantastic. That’s enough to get basic information and to help the client move through the process quickly so they’re not going to leave it and go talk to another law firm that may have a shorter intake form.
So, if somebody lands on your website, hopefully they’re filling out the intake form, direct them to do that or a chat tool, whatever it is that you’re using to get information.
If you are in a position where you’re taking a phone call, make sure that you are using the intake form to ask the right questions of the lead. And when you do that, make sure that everybody’s utilizing that form, whether it’s you, an associate attorney, a secretarial person, or if it’s somebody who is just a virtual receptionist. Maybe they’re not inside your office. Maybe they’re utilizing forms that you’ve provided to them on the backside and they’re taking information down. That way, everybody, regardless of who it is, somebody who’s working in your office, you yourself, an agent, or a contractor that you have, they need to be utilizing the same informational forms, getting you the same information so that everybody you look at, there’s a corpus of information that you can access.
So, where’s this information go to? So, let’s say you got all the fields down correctly. You’ve got your intake forms designed the way you want them to be designed. Everybody’s using them. Good news, completely good news on the front end. What do you do next?
Well, after that, you got to put these sets of information somewhere. Sometimes that just sits in your email, right? If you’re a firm that doesn’t have a lot of software that you’re utilizing to manage leads, that’s where it’s going to live, and you may have to filter through your email to figure out where those intakes come from. Not a particularly helpful way to do that, right? Because you can’t really organize that information in any way. Some people are going to take that intake information form and they’re going to dump the contents of it into a spreadsheet. Also, not great because that’s a lot of handwork to maintain a spreadsheet. You don’t necessarily want to be doing that either.
So, if you’ve got a software that you can use, now we’re talking, right? You got a law practice management software, some of those have lead tools available, light CRM features, and then stepping up from there, you could use a full-scale CRM, customer relationship management, a lead intake tool for your law firm. So you want to be able to utilize this. Whenever anyone contacts you and there’s a manual input being done, whether it’s being done by the client, potential client I should say, or somebody who’s working in your firm.
Now, there are a lot more ways to capture information in an automated fashion as well, and this may affect the way that you set up your intake forms. If somebody’s coming from a Facebook ad or a Google ad, you don’t necessarily need to ask them how they heard about you. So you can eliminate that question from the intake form, and that’s really helpful. And at this point in time, really any kind of lead information you take in, can be managed in an automated fashion, at least the attribution of that lead. The rest of the information you’re going to get some from the client filling that in manually, the potential client, or the staff person, or you who’s intaking that person.
So, this is one of the reasons why it’s really important to build a pipeline, because depending on those, where those leads come in from, your intake form may be more or less dynamic. Some questions may need to be added, whereas other questions may need to be removed because you can already collect that information in a different way. Once you get the intake system down, you’ve created a pipeline, you’ve segmented the data appropriately, you’re using the right software, then you can move on to the data collection phase which is Oh, so fun.
And we’re going to move on now too, because now that we’ve finished that up, let’s discover it together, what our sponsors can do for your busy law practice before we totally jam out with Patrick Carver.
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Jared Correia: Okay, let’s get to the meat in the middle of this legal podcasting sandwich. Today’s meat is bison, which is actually quite delicious and also leaner than traditional hamburger. I bet you weren’t expecting recipes today, but here we are. But I have no beef with you listeners, let’s interview our guest. Today, we have for you making his first ever checks notes, yes, appearance on the Legal Toolkit podcast.
It’s the one and only Patrick Carver, who’s the owner of Constellation Marketing. Patrick, thanks for coming in, man. How are you?
Patrick Carver: I am doing amazing. I feel privileged to be in your presence, sir.
Jared Correia: Don’t get too excited. All right, let’s jump into it. I got some questions for you. Then I’m going to hit the rump roast pretty hard. But first, do you run a Digital Marketing agency? And if I remember correctly, you started this thing from scratch. That’s not easy to do. That’s a pretty competitive space. So, can you talk to me a little bit about how you launched your business and how you accounted for the competition when you did that?
Patrick Carver: Sure. It started when I was getting a lot of calls and emails from my dad who’s a criminal defense attorney. And so, he was utilizing one of the big marketing companies out there and would get these reports every single month with a bunch of statistics and big lines and like graphics and everything and he would send them to me and just say, “Is this working? What’s going on?” It feels like it’s working or some months are better than others and, but will you take a look at this and basically tell me if I’m getting value out of it. And it corresponded with some work I was doing at the time with the company I was with, and it started to get into SEO and really learn about it. And so eventually he basically just said, “Well, why don’t you make me an offer?” And so, eventually, we then tried it and it started working really well and that led to other. colleagues getting interested in it and asking for me to help out. And so when it came to the competition, I honestly, I didn’t really think about it at all because I was basically just young. And so, I didn’t some sort of calculated decision necessarily. I just kind of fell into an opportunity and it felt like, okay, I can really provide value here and it seems to be working. So that’s really what started it all.
Jared Correia: That’s funny. So, like you’re a good kid because you’re not like just sending your dad the voicemail like I do with my mom. Sorry mom. If you’re listening now you know. And hey, like you started a company out of it. That’s wild. If not for that, you’d probably be working at NASA right now or it’s president or something like that.
Patrick Carver: Definitely not NASA but maybe something else.
Jared Correia: All right, let’s get meta. You started a podcast as well recently.
Patrick Carver: Oh yeah.
Jared Correia: And you’re like early days for this, so talk to me about that because like I started this podcast like so long ago. It was a completely different world. Like nobody was podcasting at that time. So, how’s that launch process gone? Why’d you decide to do it right now when there’s like a lot of podcasts out there?
Patrick Carver: Yeah, for sure. So I mean to be candid, it’s probably not going well, the launch process because I kind of just–
Jared Correia: Bear your soul here on our shell.
Patrick Carver: Because, it felt like everybody was getting into it and, to kind of add some legitimacy to what we were doing, seemed like a good move. But that was probably a year ago and it kind of hit a pause. And since then, I think we’ve gotten much better at it and we have a much more organized approach to it. We’re still kind of finding our footing a little bit and what kind of our lane is in terms of what we want to cover. I mean, obviously we’re a marketing company, but I wanted to figure out a way that we could be authentic and add value, but not just talk about exclusively marketing that it would be a completely self-promotional type of endeavor. And so it’s been interesting and we just really try to look for the crossroads of how to run a profitable and enjoyable law firm. Because that’s what I want with my business, profitability and enjoyable. I don’t want to do something that is going to make me unhappy. And so those are the kind of the themes that we cover. And we’re really, we don’t have huge am ambition with it at the moment, we just want to get good quality content out there and kind of find our rhythm. And I think as we, we go along, we’ll certainly learn some of the lessons that you’ve carved out over the years and follow folks like yourself who’ve been able to really make it into something great.
Jared Correia: Oh, thank you. I like how’s your podcast going, and you were like, not well. But seriously, I think that’s a good avatar like I talked to attorneys about podcasting and like, you’re not going to have a giant podcast as a law firm. You’re just not. You’re not going to have like one of these head lighting shows on Spotify, but like, it’s good for marketing and branding, which is why you should do it, right? Law firms could take your approach and essentially replicate that. And that’s successful as far as I’m concerned.
Patrick Carver: That’s the idea, right? And I’ve, I’ve heard this from other people who maybe are big on YouTube.
And in the past I’ve had questionable sentiment about whether or not YouTube could really be a great strategy for lawyers, but a lot of people that I’ve talked to don’t see it as, they’re not trying to be YouTubers and get paid and be an influencer, something like that. But what I find really interesting is that it functions the very same way that long tail keywords work in CEO where you are creating this really niche specific, hyper-focused content. And if you can connect with the 10 people out there who are looking for that exact thing, then it’s super powerful. And so I feel the same way about what we’re talking about today, for instance, with attribution. So a lot of our stuff that we’ve talked about is pretty niche within marketing, but I’m really trying to speak to a very specific avatar, someone who is been through a number of marketing attempts with other companies and I was kind of looking for a more nuanced approach and somebody who can really deliver the goods.
Jared Correia: So you’re not going to be a Mr. Beast Esquire either, but that’s cool.
Patrick Carver: Probably not.
Jared Correia: You talked about attribution, which is what we were chatting about a little bit the other day when we did your podcast together. This is probably an undercover issue, as far as I’m concerned, like lead attribution for law firms. So can you, I know you deal with this, can you frame that problem a little bit for me and talk about how you try to solve it with your clients?
Patrick Carver: Sure. So, at a very basic level, it’s just understanding where your leads and ultimately clients are coming from. And that is a simple explanation but in practice, it’s a very challenging thing to do.
Jared Correia: Oh, for sure.
Patrick Carver: This has been an ongoing issue or challenge for us over the years to try and put in place a system that works for a lot of different types of businesses. But in a nutshell, think about where your clients come from. They all started somewhere. It’s either they got onto you because of a referral. Maybe they found an article that you put on your website or on YouTube, or a podcast, for instance. So attribution is really, for me, the practice of setting up a system and identifying where those leads and ultimately clients are coming from so that you have a better idea of what’s effective, what’s not effective, when it comes to your marketing.
Now, kind of underneath that is a lot of complicating technical aspects that most people don’t really comprehend. It’ss really challenging because you’ve got so many different components. You’ve got your CRM. You’ve got maybe different marketing companies. They’ve got their
Jared Correia: It’s a lot to stitch together for sure.
Patrick Carver: Yeah. You’re really trying to take all of these different disparate sources, weaving them together, and then having that be functional and usable so that at the end of a quarter or at the end of a year, you can actually look back and see, “Okay, here’s where 60% of my business came from. I should probably put more money into that.” Or I spent 50% of my marketing budget on this one source and now that I really see in black and white, none of my business came from there, it’s always, I was operating, I’ve been operating under this assumption that people came through here. And I feel like most marketing companies don’t really want to have that conversation so that if they can kind of claim that they’re having a really great impact and when the tides rising, that they’re the reason for that. And so I see it not only as a benefit for the client, it’s also a benefit for us so that we can validate our efforts. And ultimately, I think that’s maybe one way that we can kind of stand out in such a crowded competitive landscape.
Jared Correia: And lawyers and business owners aren’t necessarily going to ask. So if you pause the question, that’s the only way a lot of them are even going to consider it. So kudos to you for asking it. You brought something else up, which I think is interesting, which is a notion of like all these different buckets of data, so it’s easier to connect all that stuff in a cloud-based environment, which most law firms should be in, but how do you have that conversation with law firms? Because part of it is, let’s look at where the leads are coming in right now and try to connect this data in some effectual way. And then the other question is, maybe there’s more tools that you need that you’re not using, and maybe you want to think about getting because law firms are so budget conscious, they have an issue with that potentially. So can you talk about those two items as well in terms of lead attribution?
Patrick Carver: Yeah. I think the conversation always starts with what they’re going to get out of it. And for me, that comes down to return on your investment. And it’s really, I think the most compelling argument is that it’s more or less an insurance policy against the marketing that you’re paying for. So, if you’re paying marketing company, $1,000.00 a month, $5,000 a month, it’s in your best interest to know with some level of certainty whether or not they’re having a positive impact on your bottom line.
And getting to the bottom of it is it really starts with having a good idea of the entire digital landscape with how your leads are coming in. And so, I have a good practical example of this and why I think, essential for law firms. I’ve talked with firms before where we would be having a conversation and they’d say something like, well, all of these chatbot leads are really doing great for us. The chatbot leads are amazing. And I did kind a double take because I’m like, wait a second chatbots don’t innate lead, bring a lead in. There’s a source coming in, right?
Jared Correia: Yes, more of a conversion thing.
Patrick Carver: Right. And so, what was happening was, this client was giving all of the value attribution to the chatbot itself as opposed to all of the SEO work that we were doing. And so they were making decisions thinking that wow, this chatbot’s really doing it all, and chatbots are great but we also want our piece of the pie, right?
Jared Correia: Right. Exactly. Yeah.
Patrick Carver: And so, it’s always, if you can get, I think back to that it’s in their best interest, a lot of people understand the value of CallRail or other tracking technologies.
Jared Correia: Phone tracking software. People aren’t unaware of that.
Patrick Carver: Exactly. And so we often get into these conversations with clients who are maybe working with like a business consultant or something, and they come back to us and they’re like, well, what’s the ROI of your effort? Right.
Jared Correia: Consultants to the worst.
Patrick Carver: They’re absolute worst, right. But it’s a fair question, but the problem then is that typically you’re looking for ROI, like nine months after the campaign has started. And the, when you really can have an important effort, or an important activity there is at the beginning of that campaign because that’s what’s going to set the framework of whether or not you’re going to get that good clean data at the end. And so it’s a bit of a challenge to try to stitch that all together in retrospect. We’re having these conversations right now and so we’re kind of always working on our, how we describe this and dis discuss this with our clients but I just like to, thing I always go back to is basically, you should know whether or not our efforts are working, right? You’re investing a lot of money and so this is the way, this is your insurance to know whether or not it’s working. That usually gets people in the right frame of mind, especially when the typical cost of a solution on this side is going to be like, hundreds versus thousands. It’s a really great value compared to the opposite which is over spending by thousands of dollars on things that don’t work.
Jared Correia: Yeah. And so I guess the other last question I want to bring up with you is something you mentioned was this notion of like with lead attribution, you need good data sets, right? So, like you can automate the collection of data or you can do that in a manual fashion, but how important is it to collect the data upfront and to do it correctly? Not to slough it off and be like, “Oh, I guess somebody’s email address. That’s enough.”
Patrick Carver: Yeah, it’s enormous. It’s not such a big deal if you’re actively growing your firm, but you’re not in that like scaling mode yet. I think it’s the most important once you get into the scaling mode, because we often get a lot of clients who are coming to us from the mode that they’ve built a good business, they’re getting cases but they can’t rely on referrals anymore. And so, they want to start those scaling efforts. And so, they’re trying to figure out, should I be doing TikTok, should I be doing Google ads, all of these different things. That’s the perfect point to adopt an attribution set up and to start putting at least some protocols in place or guidelines of what should happen with every new lead. And sometimes it’s a bit of a mix of manual and aided because we’re trying really, really hard right now to have one consistent methodology that we capture all of that data and have very strict rules about it. But everybody’s got different systems, right? Everybody’s using different CRMs, they’re using different tools. And so, inevitably there’s going to be some level of manual activity to it if you’re not setting up something really, really good and structured. And so, if you don’t have that, then you’re going to start rowing money at these things, hoping that they work and then trying to figure out later on what’s actually working.
And you’ll realize you’ve wasted a bunch of money, you’ve underspent on things that were really working well, you’ve been basically relying on gut sentiment over the past year or whatever the timeline is, to make your decisions.
Jared Correia: Use data to make decisions, people. For real. Patrick, this was really fun. Are you going to hang out for our last segment? I feel like you should, although you might later.
Patrick Carver: Absolutely.
Jared Correia: All right, we’ll take one final sponsor. Break everybody so you can hear more about what our sponsor companies can do for you in terms of their latest offerings. Then stay tuned for the Rump Roast. It’s even more supple than the Roast Beast.
Dave Scriven-Young: You like legal podcasts because you’re curious and want to be the best attorney you can be. I’m Dave Scriven-Young, host of Litigation Radio, produced by ABA’s litigation section with Legal Talk Network. Searching your favorite podcast player for Litigation Radio to join me and my guest as we examine hot topics in Litigation and topics that will help you to develop your litigation skills and build your practice. I hope you’ll check out Litigation Radio and join the ABA litigation section for access to all of the resources, relationships, and referrals you need to thrive as a litigator.
Jared Correia: All right, everybody, welcome back. Here we are once again at the rear end of the Legal Toolkit. That’s right, it’s the Rump Roast, it’s a grab bag of short form topics. All of my choosing. Why do I get to pick? Well, because I’m the host. Today, we’re bringing back a version of one of my favorite games, what we call, What Would Florida Man Do? During this game, I relay the scenario and all my guests have to do, literally all they have to do is tell me what are the actions described. We’re taken by a Florida man or not.
Now Patrick, you’re located in Atlanta, so I wanted to switch things up a little bit this time and play a variation on this game that we’re going to name, What Would Georgia Man Do? How’s that sound
Patrick Carver: That’s good. Are we — may have one point of clarification if the host will allow.
Jared Correia: Yes. Go.
Patrick Carver: I would say, are we talking Atlanta metropolitan area or outside of the Atlanta metropolitan area for Georgia, man?
Jared Correia: Yeah, I believe we’re talking rural Georgia.
Patrick Carver: Rural. Okay, fair enough.
Jared Correia: Think, frame it as rural Georgia. Very rural Georgia. So it’s going to be just the same story, right? I’m going to read some news stories for you and literally all you have to do is tell me, was the perpetrator from Georgia or not Georgia holistically, not just Atlanta.
Patrick Carver: I’m ready.
Jared Correia: All right, here we go. News story number one. Mother’s Day is going to be a little bit awkward for Larry McElroy this year. McElroy accidentally shot his mother-in-law with a 9 mm pistol when he was trying to kill an Armadillo. The Armadillo died from the wound, I guess that was the expected result, but the bullet ricocheted off. The animal, hit a fence and entered through the back door of his mother’s mobile home, of course, she was in a double wide, which was 100 ft away. Then it went through the recliner, in which the 74-year-old was sitting and hit her in the back. County coordinator, James Doherty weighed in and said, “Shooting Armadillos is an effective way to get rid of them. However, you have to be safe when you do that.” So one thing I didn’t mention before is feel free to weigh in on any of these stories and then tell me, was that a Georgia man or not?
Patrick Carver: Yeah. So, I’m not debating the fact that this absolutely could have happened in Georgia. The detail that sticks out to me, Armadillos, you know, I don’t doubt their presence in Georgia but I don’t hear it as one of the main vermin that is typically a target in the state from firearm activity. So, I’m going to go outside of Georgia just on the Armadillo class.
Jared Correia: I love it when people get on and they like overanalyze all this stuff. It’s great. I wonder what the main firm is in Georgia. Possums maybe, what are you shooting out there?
Patrick Carver: Well, I don’t know if you track the wild pigs that are terrorizing the nation, in the Southern States.
Jared Correia: I do not.
Patrick Carver: Are you familiar with these?
Jared Correia: I do not. Is that really a thing? Please tell me about it.
Patrick Carver: Oh, yeah. They sell tickets to this in Texas, actually. You can get in a helicopter and use an automatic weapon to shoot wild boars from the helicopter because it’s such a problem down there.
Jared Correia: That’s wild. Patrick, you’re really bringing the heat here. I’m impressed. I was not expecting like news from you, but I buried the lead. So, not outside of Georgia’s. This actually happened in. Georgia, not in Atlanta, but in Georgia. So, yeah, I don’t know.
Patrick Carver: I buy it.
Jared Correia: Some Armadillos hanging around. According to the internet.
Patrick Carver: Yeah, I buy it. So, we love our guns down here and love getting them out for use.
Jared Correia: Good Firmin talk though. Okay. News story number two. Damon Exum slammed his vehicle into a patrol car just after 2:00 a.m. and fled the scene. The police officer was uninjured and managed to chase down Exum’s office vehicle. When the officer asked for Exum’s driver license, he handed him a beer instead. He also had no idea he had the police car. Georgia man, not a Georgia man? What do you think?
Patrick Carver: A hundred percent fits the, in the realm of possibility. Got to say yes, I guess.
Jared Correia: You are correct. All right. We’re at the 50% mark. You’re one for two. I got another one for you. News story number three, David Emerson Proudfoot was arrested after he allegedly dawned a Disney name tag and attempted, I know pretty good, right? And attempted to steal a Star Wars R2D2 statue worth up to $10,000.00. First of all, this must be a fucking amazing statue of R2D2. It’s probably gold. Proudfoot was allegedly spotted pushing a cart with the statue in it while leaving the famous swan and dolphin hotels at Disney. Proudfoot said he applied for a Disney World security job and wanted to move the item to point out security lapses in the hopes of getting a better paying position, which always doesn’t work, everyone. He allegedly told police it wasn’t his goal to take items from Disney World, although a search warrant at his home later revealed thousands of dollars worth of items stolen from World Place Disney World. What do you think of this story?
Patrick Carver: Oh, I think that’s Florida all the way.
Jared Correia: You’re right. I kind of gave it away. See, I was kind of hoping you’d overanalyze it a little bit. It was Disney, like maybe it’s not Florida, but it is. It totally is.
Patrick Carver: I just think, yeah, you got to go to the stores if you’re talking about R2D2D related crime.
Jared Correia: That should be a podcast unto itself, R2D2 crime. Maybe that’s how you spin it off. There’ll be one episode. Perhaps not. All right, I got two more for you. You ready?
Patrick Carver: I’m in.
Jared Correia: Number four. Romero Alanis just reclaimed a Guinness World record after resisting bathroom breaks long enough to watch Spider-Man No Way Home, which is really fucking long, 292 times, not consecutive, I’ll get to that. He previously broke the record for most cinema productions attended of the same film, that’s the category, in 2019 after watching Avengers Endgame 191 times. Also, a really long movie. However, in 2021, some French guy named Arnaud Klein overturned Alanis record achievement by watching Camelot first installment. That must be a fucking great movie, 204 times. Winning the title back wasn’t easy. The terms of the record stated that the movie must be watched independently of any other activity, which meant Alanis had to hold his pee as he wasn’t allowed to take bathroom breaks while watching the film. When Alanis achieves the record for the first time in 2019, 11 of his sittings were disqualified due to the bathroom breaks he took. Now I have a quick suggestion, like be like a NASCAR driver or an astronaut, and if you really want to get this done just for a diaper to the movie theater.
Patrick Carver: Yeah. Couch cath.
Jared Correia: Yeah, I mean, that seems so easy to me. Like, come on. All right. So, feel free to offer your thoughts on watching Spider-Man Fire from home over 200 times. That’s wild. Almost 300. And also Georgia Man or not a Georgia man?
Patrick Carver: I’ll go to Georgia man.
Jared Correia: This is a Florida man.
Patrick Carver: Hmm.
Jared Correia: Although I could see this happening in Georgia too.
Patrick Carver: Yeah, I could see it too.
Jared Correia: Like these guys, like they’re not watching, they’re watching like really long movies. Endgame was like three hours long. It’s insane.
Patrick Carver: I think that’s maybe part of the barrier to entry, keep the competitive moat around their record, perhaps.
Jared Correia: Interestingly enough, cost this guy $4,000 to set this in this world record. So clearly has a lot of time on his hands and disposable income. Last one, last one. I don’t want to stop, this has been too fun.
Patrick Carver: Well, I’m not doing well, but yeah keep roasting.
Jared Correia: You’re one for four, that’s pretty good. You can get to 400 to be a phenomenal batting average in the major leagues. You can get to 400. Wendy’s restaurant employee, Amy Cyber was arrested and soon became an ex-employee. When a customer called 911 to report that a half smoked blunt had been placed inside her burger, Cyber said she simply misplaced the joint. Seven, all of us. Right?
Patrick Carver: Yeah. This sounds a hundred percent Georgia. I’m never been more confident.
Jared Correia: You are correct. You are correct. You hitting 400? Yeah, the other day I was at McDonald’s and I was like, there’s a bong in my shamrock shake. What’s going on here? Well done sir.
Patrick Carver: There’s some special folks down here so. But I imagine that’s everywhere.
Jared Correia: Yes, you’ve handed it yourself very well. I appreciate it.
Patrick Carver: I could do these all day. Keep rolling. I love, I mean, I’m going to keep overanalyzing them but.
Jared Correia: I’ve only got five, but we’ll have to have you back on and we’ll do another 10. Fuck it.
Patrick Carver: Yeah, hit me up for the Berman spinoff.
Jared Correia: Yeah, we got to do a Berman spinoff. Patrick, you’re a great guest. I appreciate it, man. Thanks for coming on.
Patrick Carver: Oh, it’s my pleasure. Thanks for having me. And hope to be back.
Jared Correia: All right, take it easy. If you want to find out more about Patrick Carver and Constellation Marketing, visit goconstellation.com. That’s G-O-C-O-N-S-T-E-L-L-A-T-I-O-N. goconstellation.com. Now, for those of you listening in between Georgia, I’ve got a great playlist for you. We talked about Georgia today on the podcast, and there are actually amazing staggering amount of great songs about Georgia. So, I’m releasing my official Georgia playlist with my best 30. I’ve run out of time today to talk about my feelings on participation trophies, but I just want you all to know that you each get one. This is Jared Correia, reminding you that sometimes that’s just the way it is.