Perfect Albums Vol. 1; Modern Legal Journalism; and Simpsons Trivia with Joe Patrice

Episode Notes

Transcript

Jared Correia: I’d like to take a moment to thank my mom for listening to every episode.  Now, my mom is the real reason you’re listening to this show right now, but the sponsors have a little something to do with it as well.  So, I’d like to thank our sponsors too; Clio, Scorpion, TimeSolv, Alert Communications.  As the largest legal-only call center in the U.S., Alert Communications helps law firms and legal marketing agencies with new client intake.  Alert captures your response to all leads 24/7 365 as an extension of your firm in both Spanish and English.  Alert uses proven intake methods customizing responses as needed which earns the trust of clients and improves client retention.  To find out how Alert can help your law office, call (866) 827-5568 or visit alertcommunications.com/ltn.

[Music]

Intro: It’s the Legal Toolkit with Jared Correia.  With guest, Joe Patrice, a round of Simpsons superfan trivia, and then Jared had me in this booth so long, I’ve forgotten what the sky looks like.  Maybe, he’ll finally let me out today, but first my captor Jared Correia.

Jared Correia: It’s Legal Toolkit Podcast time, strapped down the furniture.  And yes, it’s still called The Legal Toolkit Podcast, even though I’ve never even held a hydraulic torque wrench.  I’m your host Jared Correia.  Craig Ferguson was not willing to come on the show today is a guest host because what happened between us in 1987.  I’m the CEO of Red Cave Law Firm Consulting, a business management consulting service for attorneys and bar associations.  Find us online at redcavelegal.com.  I’m the CEO of Gideon Software, Inc.  We build chatbots so law firms can convert more leads and conversational document assembly tools so law firms can build documents faster and more accurately.  You can find out more about Gideon at gideonlegal.com.

Now, before we get to our interview today with Joe Patrice, Senior Editor at Above the Law about modern legal journalism, I want to introduce a new monologue segment.  This podcast is partially an excuse for me to make new music playlist every couple weeks that I can listen to on Spotify, but you already knew that.  We talked about music a lot on the show because I like music.  And so, I think it’s time to launch a new feature that I want to release for a while.  It’s called ‘Perfect Albums’.  I’m old.  So, I don’t really listen to songs or what we used to call singles.  I like to listen to full albums.  It judged the quality of an album as a whole.  Honestly, it’s really hard to find albums, entire albums, without filler.  Most albums even the universally acclaimed ones have to add songs.  So, I’m always on the lookout for the perfect album, an album that has no bad songs.  Now, this is, of course, a matter of taste.  But as for myself, I’ve only discovered a handful of perfect albums across various genres, and I’m going to talk about them on the show including on future episodes.  So, let’s get a drumroll for our first perfect album.  And yes, there are more than one perfect album, which I know may defeat the purpose of calling something ‘The Perfect Album.’  But let’s call them ‘Perfect Albums’ plural.

Country music actually takes many forms.  There’s the Nashville sound off your country.  But there’s also a western Swank, which has been around for over 100 years and is most closely associated with acts like Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys and modern artists like George Strait.  The Bakersfield sound was pioneered by Buck Owens in the 50s and extended to singers like Merle Haggard and Dwight Yoakam.  Country rock Fusion, one of my favorite genres of music period, exploded with the Eagles but was initially popularized by bands like Buffalo Springfield, the Flying Burrito Brothers and Poco.  In the early 90s, Nirvana pioneered the grunge sound and that changed the face of popular music for the next decade, for the better, by the way, and the 90s is probably my favorite decade of music after the 70s.  Let’s not get too crazy.  But there’s also a genre of country music that incorporates alternative rock and also things like punk rock and country rock.  It’s called alternative country.  But what’s crazy is that the band that really pioneered this style is largely forgotten.  They only came out with four albums in the early 90s, broke up in a highly acrimonious way and were largely lost to history.  However, during the course of that short run, they released a perfect album.  Uncle Tupelo was named after a cartoon character made to look like a fat Elvis and was founded in Belleville, Illinois in 1987 by singer-songwriters, Jay Farrar and Jeff Tweedy.

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Their first album ‘No Depression’ was released in 1990, and its titled cut was a cover version of the AP Carter collated song, ‘No Depression in Heaven’.  But it sounds a little different the way I go through blood test and their version became a byword for the all-country movement and the name of a popular magazine covering the genre.  Most of the rest of the songs were original compositions that offered a harder edge than traditional country.  No Depression is the seminal alt-country album, but it’s not a perfect album.  In fact, it would take another two albums, one an acoustic album recorded in five days and produced by R.E.M.s, Peter Buck before Uncle Tupelo had a major album release.  And that album, their only major studio release was a perfect album.  It was called ‘Anodyne’ and it came out in 1993 in the middle of the grunge wave, and it features a split and songwriting duties between Farrar and Tweedy.  The dual lead singer-songwriters of Uncle Tupelo have extremely different styles.  Jay Farrar’s music and lyrics are pretty dour, and Jeff Tweedy has more of a pop sensibility.

Now, it probably sounds like that might not meld well together in a single album, but it all blends together.  So, wait for it perfectly on Anodyne.  And why I like Farrar’s later work better than Tweedy’s, I think Tweedy’s contributions outshine Farrar’s on Hannah time.  But there are a bunch of standout tracks on the album.  Maybe, the best song is ‘Give Back the Key to My Heart,’ which isn’t even an Uncle Tupelo song but a duet between Schaefer and Doug Sam, a Texas singer-songwriter who originally wrote it.  Now, Farrar against the title track and Anodyne, which is actually probably the worst song on the album.  I mean, it’s still really a good song because after all Anodyne and that is a perfect album as I said.  But it’s kind of rare that a title track would be the weakest track of all.  Of the Farrar’s song ‘Slate,’ which kicks off the album and ‘Chickamauga,’ a fantastic rocker are the standouts.  Of the Tweedy songs, ‘New Madrid’ named after a series of earthquakes in the early 19th century is probably the best track on the entire album.  But Acuff-Rose, ironically, which you learn in a moment about a famous country music songwriting duo, and the ‘Lanka’ played on Late Night with Conan O’Brien to promote the album are both great also.

Now, I’ve listened to Anodyne top to bottom, first track to last track about a thousand times and I’ve never gotten tired of it and probably never will.  I’ll probably listen to it again after I’m done with this.  Now, if you want to talk about going out on a high note, I like George Costanza.  Uncle Tupelo certainly achieve that.  Anodyne was their fourth and last album, their only major label release as I said because Jay Farrar and Jeff Tweedy really, really, really, really hated each other, each feeling that the other was purchased at the jerk store.  Shortly after a final tour, Farrar founded Son Volt and Tweedy founded Wilco, and I put a bow on Uncle Tupelo, the greatest alt-country band you never heard of.  Perhaps not surprisingly, Wilco is a more popular band and Son Volt is super underrated.  But before all that for one shining moment in time, Uncle Tupelo made a perfect album.

Now, before we get to our conversation about modern journalism with the one and only, Joe Patrice, Senior Editor of Above the Law, let’s hear from a friend of the podcast, Joshua Lenon, who’s got some perfectly impressive stats in this edition of the Clio Legal Trends Report Minute.

[Music]

Joshua Lenon: Here’s a fact, 58% of your clients want their lawyers to use more technology.  I’m Joshua Lenon, Lawyer in Residence at Clio.  What is data mean for you and your law firm?  It’s an indication that client expectations are shifting and a lot of this shift is being driven by technology.  According to industry data in the past year, 52% of clients say they use more types of technology than ever and 50% say they become even more comfortable with that technology.  When it comes to working with a law firm, over half went to meet through videoconferencing and handle their documents electronically.  Law firms that don’t adapt to the shifting needs of their clients will inevitably fall behind.  To learn more about what clients today are looking for and much more, download Clio’s Legal Trends Report for free at clio.com/trends. That’s Clio, spelled C-L-I-O.

[Music]

Jared Correia: So, let’s find out which raised pizza is actually the original.  It’s time to interview our guest.  Actually, we are not going to talk about that at all.  My guest today, Joe Patrice.  Hey, Joe, you’re the editor of Above the Law, is that right?  Or an editor?

Joe Patrice: I am, I am.

Jared Correia: The capital E, Editor.

Joe Patrice: Senior Editor, at this point.

Jared Correia: Oh.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: Oh, wow!  That’s amazing.  Good for you, man.

Joe Patrice: I mean, I don’t know as though that’s any different than being regular editor.  But you know.

(00:10:02)

Jared Correia: It’s better than Junior Editor.

Joe Patrice:  I guess.  Although, I guess, now we do have a junior editor.  For the longest time, we just had three senior editors which really didn’t make it much better.

Jared Correia: You’re like a tribunal of editors.

Joe Patrice: You know, I’ve actually always pushed that.  There was some talk of creating a new editor-in-chief position and I said, “Why? We operate this kind of a triumvirate.  Let’s roll with it.”  But —

Jared Correia: Now, I mean interesting territory now.  Who are the other two editors?  The people want to know.

Joe Patrice: Oh, so Staci Zaretsky whose business since before me and Kathryn Rubino who came right after me.  We’ve been there this whole time.  Obviously, Elie Mystal has moved on to being on cable news every night, so —

Jared Correia: Yes, yes, seemed quite a bit.

Joe Patrice: But he was there before us.  And yeah, now we have hired Christopher Williams who’s doing kind of an editorial role.  I mean, I don’t want to call him Junior Editor.  He’s an editor who is not Senior Editor to the extent he just got this job.

Jared Correia: That’s a long title.

Joe Patrice: He’s just out of law school.  So, it allows us to have some editorial insight from folks who aren’t nearly as removed from the law school experience as the rest of us are.  So yeah.

Jared Correia:  Senior Editor is part of life.  So like, I mean, it’s good to talk with you when we’re both sober.  So, I’d like to take advantage of this.

Joe Patrice: I don’t know why you would assume this.  That’s true.  But okay.

Jared Correia: That’s true. I may be making too many assumptions here.

Joe Patrice: I don’t know like I don’t know if you tell people when we’re recording, but I mean it is 5:00 literally later.

Jared Correia: It’s late.  Yes, yes. All right, we’re both drunk.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: Anyway, we kind of beat around the bush a little bit about what we want to talk about today, but I think we ended up settling on journalism in the law.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: And now, I write stuff, but I write like product reviews and white papers.  It’s not real journalism.  Don’t tell anybody I said that.  So, like what’s real journalism in the legal space as far as you’re concerned?

Joe Patrice: I mean, I don’t know like, well, I think it’s a lot of things.  I mean, I think the product reviews —

Jared Correia: Good lawyerly answer.

Joe Patrice: I mean, look product reviews and white papers are journalism in this space, right, like especially in the legal tech space.

Jared Correia: Yeah, I’ll be waiting on my pulse, sir.  Go ahead.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.  I mean, I don’t know.  So, they have a category for what we do.  But, I mean, it is keeping yourself on the pulse of what’s going on in law.

Jared Correia: Right.

Joe Patrice: I think that there’s obviously court coverage and stuff like that.  We write a lot about, you know, lawyers behaving badly.  You know, like —

Jared Correia: Yes.

Joe Patrice: People getting sanctioned in funny ways, law firm, horror stories.  I wrote a thing today about the horror stories actually.

Jared Correia: It’s like horror stories in law firms or horror story in legal generally.  Yeah.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.  I mean, these folks who are mistreated who, you know, I was at the printers when my water broke and the partner said I couldn’t leave.  You know, that sort of thing, and there’s a pool table there.

Jared Correia: That’s on Tuesday on legal practice.  Yeah.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.  I’m not writing a story about this but Bloomberg was.  Bloomberg was writing a story about horror stories and they asked for some insights on Reddit, which was their first mistake and because if you’re looking for people to be helpful, the first place to go is obviously Reddit.

Jared Correia: Obviously.

Joe Patrice: So, they asked for help and got shot down by a bunch of associates who are like, “You sensationalist, I love my law firm.”  And I was like, “Come on, you bootlickers.” When did associates become so obsequious?  Like I liked my law firms, too.  But, come on.  I understood that there were still screamers in the practice and there were still bad managers and that it was worth having these stories and it’s not all about your experience.  If you’re having a great experience in law, great!  But these stories aren’t about sensationalism and clickbait, they’re about helping the profession get better by exposing that people still sucking it sometimes.

Jared Correia: I like that you brought that around there.  Well done.

Joe Patrice: And yeah.  And I think that’s a big part of what our niche is in the law, like we also cover product reviews and the legal tech space.  Obviously, I do that part of our reporting.

Jared Correia: Yeah, yeah.

Joe Patrice: And I do — you know, we’re writing a lot about something happened with some courts this week.  I don’t know.  I’ve been writing a lot about that.  But I also write these stories both good and bad about law firms and how they are managed because I feel like it’s valuable to the industry as a whole to see how both bad and good.  They can — bad ideas and good ideas that they can either avoid or adopt in that order hopefully.

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Jared Correia: You’re performing a public service much like Iron Man.

Joe Patrice: I do what I can.  I mean, I don’t use the word hero very often.  But yeah, I think that’s right.  Yeah.

Jared Correia: So like, all right, you tease like the horror story stuff.  Then, you found a lot of stuff.  Can you give me some of the good horror stories that you covered?  Like, did you write an article on this?  Or is this just like —

Joe Patrice: I mean, over the years I have, but —

Jared Correia: Yeah.  What’s your favorite horror story from a law firm or the most recent one you can recall?

Joe Patrice: So, my favorite one I guess because it’s so old that all the people involved aren’t going to be mad about it anymore.  We did a travel horror story contest several years ago, and we got a law firm partner.  The guy who is now a partner, but at the time was an associate shared a story of when he and David Boies were snowed in at some airport and Boies just said, “Yeah.  This isn’t going to do it for me.  Let’s rent a car,” and smashed into the side of the highway multiple times.  I had to push it out like, and the way the story ends is that after multiple crashes on the way back to New York, they just dropped the keys with the youngest associate and said, “Now, return the car,” and the youngest associate had to drive the car up, you know, smashed in on both sides, tires scraping.  Yeah.  So, that story and I heard that story from the guy who is now a partner who was involved and that was a great travel horror story.  Years later, I had the opportunity to chat with David Boies and I brought it up and he went, “Oh, I remember that night.”  And I said, “Oh, so was it any different than this guy is remembering it?”  And he said, “Nope.  That’s pretty much it.  That’s pretty much exactly what we did.  We crashed and because I demanded to be back in the office in the morning.  So, we crashed.”

Jared Correia: Got to work, man.  Got to get those syllables in.

Joe Patrice: I mean, yeah.

Jared Correia: So, we talked about horror stories, talked about journalism.  I want to spend the last few minutes we have here.  I want to talk a little bit about politics, which is a subject I often avoid.

Joe Patrice: Okay.

Jared Correia: I hate politicians on both sides of the aisle, Democrats and Republicans.  But there’s some news that came down today as we’re recording this or in the past couple days, which is the Salmon P. Chase is stepping down from the Supreme Court.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: Do I have that right?

Joe Patrice:  I don’t think so.  From what I understand is something about Judge Steve Harvey, I think that his show.

Jared Correia: (00:17:38).

Joe Patrice: Yeah.  So yeah, Stephen Breyer is retiring and which I think a lot of people expected, and I don’t think a lot of people expected the announcement midterm.

Jared Correia: Yeah.

Joe Patrice: They all expected it last term.  But yeah, he will be stepping down as soon as the term ends.  His exact words are when the term ends assuming I have a successor confirmed, which is, you know, great fine print, you know.

Jared Correia: Right.

Joe Patrice: Right.

Jared Correia: Very lawyerly thing to do.  So, that’s a hot topic.

Joe Patrice: It is.

Jared Correia: There’s a ton of political topics right now.  COVID is a political thing.  So, the thing I want to ask you is not about those stories, your opinion on that necessarily, —

Joe Patrice: Okay.

Jared Correia: Like, how do you try to cover something like that as a legal journalist in a way that’s kind of fair and balanced?

Joe Patrice: Well, I have no interest in fair and balanced.  That said —

Jared Correia: Oh, so you don’t try?  Okay, go ahead.

Joe Patrice: I mean, I’m fairly — and this makes me very stereotypical.  So, I didn’t come with this job from the journalism route.  I was an attorney for 11 years.

Jared Correia: Yeah, sorry.

Joe Patrice: Then, got into this.  Yeah. I know exactly.  I mean, I’ve recovered mostly.  But having come at it from that perspective, I therefore have an answer to a question that I think any real journalists would say that is the most hackneyed, you know, expected answer, and they would be rightly shamed for it.  But since I came at it for as a lawyer, I feel like I can say it.  I very much influenced by Hunter S. Thompson as far as how I go about reporting.

Jared Correia: Oh, sure.

Joe Patrice: He was very vocal like objective journalism.  That is not what I’m here for.  My job is to have a perspective and tell the story from that perspective.  So, I have no real concern about the fair and balanced part.  But there is an interesting bit about how to write about these subjects.  And I actually had an — it’s interesting you ask this question today because a large part of my day was helping our newest editor, Chris, like work on —

Jared Correia: The junior editor.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: Yes.

Joe Patrice: Work on a story because it was a story that spun out of the Breyer retirement, but he was writing it very straight up the gut.  Here’s the newsie sort of the story.

Jared Correia: Yeah.

Joe Patrice: And what I said was, —

(00:20:00)

“Look, nobody cares what Above the Law thinks about that.”  Hey, you know, like because if you wanted to hear this particular angle, somebody’s going to read ‘The Washington Post’ for that or slate for that, or something like that.  The angle that is us is the angle that intercepts with Georgetown Law School.

Jared Correia: Yeah.

Joe Patrice: Or, well, Georgetown Law Center because they can’t be a law school because that would be too normal.  And so, I talked him through that, like we’ve got a switch the angle around.  You got to massage the way you’re telling the story.  So, the story is Georgetown Law Center, blank, blank blank, not here’s what’s going on with the nomination process.

Jared Correia: Right.

Joe Patrice: And that’s kind of a hard part from being a niche journalist.  So, you want to write about these stories, especially when they intercept with the rest of the main world.  You know, when we’re talking about large legal tech company buying another legal tech company, we can do whatever we want because we’re the only place people are reading that.  But when all of a sudden, we become somewhat relevant to the real world, what do you do?  And you can’t tell the story the same anymore because now, all of a sudden, there are other outlets telling that same story.  So, you’ve got to like carve out the way in which it’s true to what your publications voices.  And so, that was — so, it’s an interesting you asked about like how do we cover these sorts of things because that it’s something I’d never thought of until I had to kind of work him through how to fix and edit up the story.  But it is, yeah.

Jared Correia: Well, it hit you on that day.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: That’s good.

Joe Patrice: Exactly.  No, great that, too.

Jared Correia: I said I have one more question.  I lied.

Joe Patrice: Go for it.

Jared Correia: Last question, one for the aggregators.  It’s like objective journalism even a thing anymore.  Does anybody tried to do that, do you think?

Joe Patrice: I mean, I think people try.

Jared Correia: Okay.

Joe Patrice: I don’t really like it.  I feel as though purely objective journalism as a concept is a noble pursuit and like a lot of noble pursuits is very easily hacked.  If you — like, I mean, we’ve talked about as a society, these issues like the climate change one where 99% of scientists say one thing, 1% say the other, well, we’ve got to have both of them. I’m like –

Jared Correia: Right.

Joe Patrice: That’s indicative of the problem with trying to have objective journalism under the rules promulgated by a million and one journalism schools.  When you try to do that without recognizing being open about what your biases and perspectives are and telling the story from that perspective and giving the audience the ability to navigate it with those understandings, you end up in a situation where somebody can easily just hack you by saying, “Well, you don’t have my guy on.  You’ve got to have the other side of the story,” and it’s like, well, you’re outnumbered 99 to 1, but they will do that and that’s the problem with purely objective.

Jared Correia: So glad I just watched “Don’t Look Up.”

Joe Patrice: Yeah. Well, there you go.  Yeah, exactly.

Jared Correia: This is fun.  I’ll tell people we had no idea what are we going to talk about until we came on the show.

Joe Patrice: We didn’t.

Jared Correia: And I thought that went pretty well.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: Will you come back for the last segment?

Joe Patrice: Sure.

Jared Correia: Awesome!  We’ll take one final sponsor break so you can hear more about what our sponsors can do for your law practice.  Then, stay tuned as always for the rump roast.  It’s even more supple than the roast beast.

[Music]

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[Music]

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Welcome everybody to the rear-end of the Legal Toolkit.  That’s right.  It’s the rump roast.  It’s a grab bag of short form topics all of my choosing.  Why do I get to pick? Because I’m the host.  So, Joe as you may know and you may be hearing about this for the first time.  I usually use this segment as an excuse to harangue and embarrass my guest.

Joe Patrice: Today?

Jared Correia: Today, I’m feeling — yeah, it’s awesome actually.  But today, I’m feeling more like a masochist than the statist.

Joe Patrice: Okay.

Jared Correia: So, I’m going to turn the tables.

(00:25:01)

As Austin Powers might say a lot and myself to reintroduce myself.  You get to quiz me.

Joe Patrice: Okay.

Jared Correia: So, I view you as a Simpsons expert, the Simpsons television show.  We’ve talked about this a number of times.  You are like, would I be embarrassing or offending you if I called you, The Simpsons Super Fan?

Joe Patrice: I do enjoy The Simpsons quite a bit.  Like a lot of people, I kind of dropped off, you know, at this point a couple decades ago which —

Jared Correia: My god, yeah.

Joe Patrice:  I’m a super fan for more than a decade.

Jared Correia: Right.

Joe Patrice: At this point, but yeah. But yeah, those early years.  I very much took a lot of lessons about comedy and entertainment from them.

Jared Correia: I mean, The Simpsons have been on for like, what?  Thirty-four years.

Joe Patrice: So, Christmas of ‘89 was the first episode, the Christmas special.  They had been on Tracey Ullman Show before that.

Jared Correia: Right.

Joe Patrice: But December ‘89.  So yeah.

Jared Correia: So, my son is 10 and he’s watched all the seasons.

Joe Patrice: Oh, wow!

Jared Correia: Like, he’s watched all the seasons and I don’t know, like he doesn’t necessarily see the divergence and quality that you would see if you were watching in real time.  So, it’s really interesting and he’s like, “Oh, the animation is better now.”  But all the jokes like over his head.

Joe Patrice: Fair enough.

Jared Correia: All right.  So, I want you to ask me the hardest Simpsons trivia questions you can think of, and I want to see how I do.

Joe Patrice: Okay.

Jared Correia: So, I’m putting myself in the rump roast seat.  So, hit me and we’ll get through as many as we can and like the next four or five minutes.

Joe Patrice: So, I’ll ask the first one and then I’ll tell a story.  So, the first one I’d ask is Milhouse’s dad, Kirk, where did he go to college?

Jared Correia: Oh, shit! This is not going to — all right.  Where did he go to college?  I bet he went to like a college where they play lacrosse because he’s like a lacrosse guy, right?

Joe Patrice: He did.  He did play lacrosse.

Jared Correia: I’m going to say Syracuse.

Joe Patrice:  No.  So, it’s a fake college.  He went to Gudger College, attend college, and this brings me to the story.  When you say I’m a super fan, I’m like I enjoy it.  But I am nowhere near the level of some of these real trivia people, and I got asked by another friend to go to a Simpsons trivia competition once.  And I was like, okay.  And I went and I was hanging around and looking and after the first question, this guy was like, “You got it right.  Oh, man.  We’re going do great.”  And I was like, “No, we’re going to get killed.”  I was like, “I don’t know if you understand.  There’s a guy over there with a Gudger college t-shirts.”  That’s a one-off joke from one episode.  It’s been another sense.  But at the time one episode, I was like, “And he has a shirt.  We’re going to die.”

Jared Correia: That is awesome.

Joe Patrice: And we did.  We were pretty bad.  Okay. So, —

Jared Correia: And now, I know I might check to the Gudger College endowment fund never cashed.

Joe Patrice: Yeah, yeah.

Jared Correia: Thank you for clearing that up.

Joe Patrice: So, Bart tried to set up Edna Krabappel with a boyfriend.  It wasn’t a real person.  It was somebody that — she was — it was catfishing before catfishing, I guess.  Who was Bart’s made-up boyfriend for Edna?

Jared Correia: Oh, my god.

Joe Patrice: There are two potential answers.  One was — what was the name of this fictitious boyfriend?  The other one I was going to go with is there was a picture for that fictitious boyfriend and who was the picture of either is acceptable.

Jared Correia: All right, I’m going to go with the picture.

Joe Patrice: Okay.

Jared Correia: Mario Lopez.

Joe Patrice: It was Gordie Howe.  Oh, you know what?  I actually remember that, yes.

Jared Correia: Yeah. I remember that episode. What was the name that Bart gave him?

Joe Patrice: He named him Woodrow because he looked up and saw a picture of Woodrow Wilson and just rolled with it.

Jared Correia: This is going well so far.

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: I think I hope for, too.  Everybody who’s been on this segment before is now like fuck that guy. All right, you got any more trivia questions for me?

Joe Patrice: So, back to college, I guess.  Oh, no, actually, let’s do maybe easier one.  I don’t know.

Jared Correia: Oh, good, good.  That’s what I need.

Joe Patrice: Back to our favorite character, Kirk, there.

Jared Correia: Yes.

Joe Patrice: What was the music single he recorded in an attempt to get his wife back?

Jared Correia: Is this an original composition?

Joe Patrice: It was.

Jared Correia: It is?

Joe Patrice: Yeah.

Jared Correia: Oh, my god.  I don’t know.  I don’t want Milhouse to grow up without a dad.  Why are you asking me so many Milhouse questions?  You’re killing me.

Joe Patrice: I don’t know.  Like for some reason, I just have those two.  But yeah.  They was, “Can I borrow a feeling?  Can you lend me a mug of love?  Yeah.

Jared Correia: Wait, was the actual title “Can you —

Joe Patrice: “Can I Borrow a Feeling,” yeah.

Jared Correia: Parentheses, “Can you lend me a mug of love?”

Joe Patrice: No, that was just the second line of the —

Jared Correia: Or was that sort of a — okay.

Joe Patrice: Just the second line of the lyrics.

Jared Correia: I’m doing horrible.  I want people to know I can take it as well as I can dish it out.  Go ahead.

(00:30:03)

Joe Patrice: All right, legal question.

Jared Correia: Yes.

Joe Patrice: Part 8, a jagged metal Krusty-O once and hired Lionel Hutz to sue.

Jared Correia: Okay.

Joe Patrice: Manage to win, however, didn’t get very much for it because the high legal fees of the team that Lionel put together.  One of which was Albert Dershman, who was very much a person who I know hates me.  What was Albert Dershman’s skill that he brought to the table?

Jared Correia: DNA analysis?

Joe Patrice: He can hold five billiard balls in his mouth at once.  That’s they had him do, which is about —

Jared Correia: This is still in the courtroom, right?

Joe Patrice: I mean, at this point, that’s about all I trust the person he’s based on to do.  But yeah.

Jared Correia: All right, we probably don’t want to go into that anymore because of defamation claims in play, but —

Joe Patrice: Trustee, that’s pure opinion that I wouldn’t trust him.  That’s not a defamation.

Jared Correia: Lawyer-journalist.  Okay.  So, let’s do one more.

Joe Patrice: Okay.

Jared Correia: You got one more for me and I’ll finish up.

Joe Patrice: Oh, yeah.  What sci-fi movie was converted into a musical that the Simpsons family went to see.

Jared Correia: Oh, I think I know this one, ‘Planet of the Apes.’

Joe Patrice: There we go.  I was trying to come up with something that you could get.  So, we’re done on a high note.

Jared Correia: Yes.

Joe Patrice: There you go.

Jared Correia: Thank you for pitying me.  Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius, I remember that.

Joe Patrice: I hate every chimp I see from chimpan a to chimpanzee, yeah.

Jared Correia: My brother love’s that episode.  So, Patrick if you’re listening, you saved me here.  That was fun.  Thanks for coming.  I enjoyed it.  I had a great time.

Joe Patrice: Good.  Yeah, no problem.  Awesome!

Jared Correia: Yeah, take it easy, man.  We’ll do it again sometime.

Joe Patrice: Yep, absolutely.  Talk to you later.

Jared Correia: If you want to find out more about Joe Patrice in Above the Law, visit abovethelaw.com.  Now, for those of you listening in Coxsackie, New York perverts, we’ve got a new Spotify playlist that only about six people, one of whom is not Neil Young, by the way, I’m going to care about, the best of Uncle Tupelo and its various offshoots.

[Music]

Unfortunately, I can’t let them out quite yet but he knows that.  To get up, it simply needs to put the lotion in a basket.  Honestly, it’s not that hard.  That would do for another episode of Legal Toolkit Podcast.  This is Jared Correia reminding you the fruit loops are all the flavor.

[Music]

 

Podcast transcription by Tech-Synergy.com

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